Practice what you wish for.

Posted on by Roger Jarman

When we want something in life, a higher paying job, a new car, a bigger house, a perfect spouse, kids who keep their rooms clean… often we wish for the “thing” to happen and expect a magic wand to make it so. How disappointing it is though, when these wishes go unfulfilled.

Often times it seems like we get the opposite of what we’re wishing for. We may desire a better relationship with our boss, co-worker, spouse, kids, you name it. Yet what we often experience is an argument or some kind of dust up with the very person we wish to be closer to.

Perhaps work is more stressful than usual and all you’ve been hoping for was a little less stress involved in your daily life. Or you’ve been trying to fit into that next size down in clothing but seem to be closer to a size up instead.

What we hope and wish for often times seems to go the opposite way a lot of the time. This doesn’t mean that God and the Universe are against you, perhaps just the opposite.

When we wish for something, what is it exactly that we expect to happen? Do we expect our relationship to simply BE better, a flip of the switch and just like that everything is good? Do we expect those extra inches at our waistline to simply not be there when we wake up in the morning?

We have become accustomed to our immediate satisfaction society, where nearly everything happens quickly. With some exceptional disruptions in our supply chain these last two years, we’ve become very used to the idea of immediate response service.

Not too many people think of what they expect to actually happen when they wish for something, there is an expectation for the “thing” to happen, with a very vague idea as to how it might manifest itself.

If you want more love in your life, then you may be given an opportunity to be loving to the person or people whom you want more love. How do you thing this would manifest exactly? Do you think it would come from an easy situation, like coming home to dinner cooked and on the table waiting for you?

Or would it be the opposite, you come home and it’s a mess, the kitchen is dirty and your “loved” one is sitting on the couch half asleep when you walk in?

Which of these scenarios opens the door for US, to be more loving?

I’ll give you a hint. It’s not the first one. That’s too easy. We don’t learn anything when it’s easy.

Perhaps what we get when we wish for something, is the opportunity to BE the very thing we wish for. After all, we reap what we sow.

When we are wishing for things like better health, more love, a promotion, a bigger house etc… what we’re really asking for is a change in our lifestyle, a change as we are dis-satisfied with the status quo. Therefore, by the very nature of our wish, our request, we are asking for an opportunity to learn, to create a attitude and/or habits.

Diets for instance only work while your “on” the diet, and then the weight comes flooding back on when we are “off” the diet. Why? Because we didn’t change our lifestyle to understand how to eat properly everyday, day in and day out. We only “learn” how to eat properly by practicing saying NO to things which don’t promote weight loss.

When you can say NO to the donuts Jerry brought into the office and not feel like your missing out, you’ve made a stride in changing your lifestyle. So when you wish for a leaner waist and a healthier body, you can rest assured Jerry is bringing donuts tomorrow! And you’ll have your opportunity to BE healthier.

We reap what we sow, and we don’t learn from easy. If you want healthy, be healthy. If you want more love, be loving to those around you, especially when you feel they deserve it the least. If you want more money, be generous with others. If you can’t afford it (prices aren’t going down these days after all!) take a closer look at what your spending on to see if you can spare something. If not money then, give your time to someone who’s lonely, perhaps some clothes to someone who needs them more, you get the point.

Patience is a virtue our culture is losing, yet it’s one of the key ingredients to finding peace in our hearts no matter the environment around us. Taking the time to practice those things we desire is a great way to practice patience as well.

The next time you wish for something, before you become frustrated by the situations which arise, give thanks to God for the opportunity you have to be that which you wish for. As you practice, you will then receive exactly what you wish for if you are patient for the result.

Good luck!

Just a little more

Posted on by Roger Jarman

For the past few years I’ve participated in a Memorial Day tradition within the CrossFit community. By completing a Hero workout named “Murph” where we honor not only fallen hero Michael Murphy, the workouts namesake but all those who’ve sacrificed so much for our ability to enjoy this great nation.

I’m grateful for the chance to keep the memory of our hero’s alive, and a chance to embody even a glimmer of what they represented. This year was a bit different and I had the opportunity to complete this workout not once, but twice in three days. The first time on Saturday, and again on the official holiday of Monday.

After Saturday I can tell you, my body was sore in places I haven’t been sore in for a long time, and I’m a fairly good athlete who keeps active daily. I had no intention of repeating Murph again on Monday, but showed up to stretch and keep things light while others completed the workload.

Except, I felt a pull within me, a nudge from God maybe urging me to go ahead and run the first mile and see what happens. The funny thing is I could barely reach the top of my head because my arms and back were so sore. From somewhere within me I hear:

“I bet Lt. Murphy felt worse than you did, he and others kept going…”

What was I to say to that? Every excuse which came to mind simply fell flat. When the clock began, so did I.

During the workout, after the mile run, after completing the 100 pull-ups with my hands bleeding from the bar, about mid-way through the 200 push-ups, I was cooked, ready to throw in the towel. After all, I already did this whole thing on Saturday, so today’s “extra”. Right?

“I bet Lt. Murphy felt worse than you did, he and others kept going…”

Back to push-ups I went. Then on to 300 air squats and another mile run to pull myself through the workout.

Yet, it wasn’t me pulling myself through this. It did take a lot of will-power, yet I also felt the presence of those whom I was paying homage to, guiding me to keep going. God reached down and gave me the strength and endurance I needed to see it through, especially when I didn’t think I could.

Life will find a way to put us in situations where we feel like there is no escape, no outlet. Yet here we are. If you get out of your own head, out of your own way, and just start moving you’ll find life moves with you. No matter what you are doing, from the gym, starting a new business, asking out that person who’s out of your league… Once started, keeping momentum becomes easier.

It’s not easy, it’s not for the faint of heart, but it is attainable and achievable if you only keep moving. Move through the set backs, doubts and fears. God is there to guide us, and He will pull us through the storms in our lives if we just pay attention and listen.

“Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” -Mathew 11:29-30

We are asked to take the yoke of Jesus, we too have work to do. The yoke of Jesus however is easy, and the burden light, as He is doing the heavy lifting for us. Our perception may seem like we have the weight of the world on our shoulders, but it’s only our perception.

God has a lot of tools to give us the strength we need to keep going when we don’t think we can. Today, he guided a warriors spirit to walk me through my bodily pain and achieve something I didn’t think I had in me.

As we honor those fallen hero’s this Memorial Day, we keep their spirit alive within us, showing those behind us what’s possible. Thank you, for everything.

It’s all good, so what is missing?

Posted on by Roger Jarman

I’m the type who is always looking to improve myself and different areas of my life. Each day I want to grow as a person over what I was yesterday and today. This mindset has kept me on a journey into many different practices of mindfulness, spirituality and religious concepts.

My first foray into the “power of positivity” was about 15 years ago with the movie The Secret which is one of the most popular and widely shared movies of it’s kind. This introduction lead me into books, podcasts and seminars focused on positivity and manifesting my “perfect” life.

The only problem though is that as hard as I tried to be positive all the time, and think about all that cool stuff I wanted to attract, it just wasn’t happening. For all the positivity I was outlaying, I simply wasn’t seeing the results I desired, or at least thought I desired.

I’ve never been a religious person, though I have become very spiritual over the years along my journey. I believe in a higher power, call is Source, Energy, The One… choose your key word. For all of it though in those quiet moments of reflection, deep down there was still something missing, not aligned fully. The positive vibes weren’t enough on their own, like a potted flower without water.

Eventually I was lead to Christian teachings about the Jesus and the Bible. At first these concepts rang true as concepts, samples of what can happen in life if the right energy is created and manifested within me personally.

Then these concepts started to take on a life of their own for me. I started to study the bible, little by little, taking daily passages and contemplating them and a realization occurred, (more I remembered than realized) that God is within me, not some mysterious Source of the universe who’s “out there” creating all the stuff we ask for like a celestial Santa Clause.

With this remembrance, that God is in me, I am a part of Him, yet NOT God myself. Much like a character in a book or movie, the author creates the character and has a part of their being imbedded in the character, yet the character is by no means a full representation of the author.

This remembrance deepened my curiosity in the Bible and Jesus’ life, for when he sacrificed himself mankind’s relationship with God forever changed, and God came to live within each and every one of us. Whether we realize it or not, God is there waiting for us to choose him, or the world we perceive.

For years along my spiritual journey there has been something missing, some key element not settled, like a piece of a puzzle missing right out of the middle of it. Jesus is the piece of the puzzle which so eluded me for so long.

I say all this as there is an awakening happening in our world, as has been for some time now. There is a spiritual shift and many people are waking up, and walking towards the light in the same fashion I have. If you are one of these travelers, and you too have felt in the deep recesses of you being that there is a piece missing, a part of the positivity which isn’t fully working, then I highly suggest you pick up a study bible, open yourself up to Jesus and give God a shot to show himself in your life.

It’s not a path of riches and roses all the time, far from it. For God has a plan for each of us, yet we will only go as far on this path as our FAITH in His plan will allow. When struggles and trials come into your life, rejoice instead of backing away in fear. For these trials are where God builds faith in us all.

When we pray for love, God doesn’t just waive a wand and POOF! we have love. He gives us an opportunity to BE loving towards someone else. This may manifest itself as a spouse or friend arguing with us over something, and instead of us fighting back in order to be “right”, we can instead BE loving and try and understand where they are coming from, no matter how far fetched their position may seem to us.

We often don’t actually know what we want, and it’s probably a great thing that celestial Santa isn’t up there giving us all what we think we want to manifest with our positive vibes and good energy.

God’s plan for us may be something out of left field that we’ve never thought of, but if we follow it whole heartedly in faith, the peace, calm, and joy of doing so far outweighs anything material this world can provide.

If you are on a journey of awakening, be patient, be consistent and enjoy the process most of all. For there is no destination, just the journey and the enlightening moments along the way.

Why do we wait

Posted on by Roger Jarman

I don’t know about you, but I’m the type of person who doesn’t like to wait for things. When I have an idea I like to take action on it right away in most cases. From doing something around the house, to working with customers, to my fitness program I tend to action things quickly.

But sometimes procrastination sets in on things I’d rather not procrastinate on. While I don’t consider myself to be procrastinator, I’ve certainly done it from time to time. I’ve heard there are three primary reasons people procrastinate and I’d tend to from what I’ve experienced.

The first one is the fear of failure. Then there is the fear of success, which is harder to overcome than a fear of failure oftentimes. Then there is overwhelm. Overwhelm about how to solve or action a large goal, project or idea. Let’s take a quick look at these three.

First, the fear of failure. We can all be reluctant to “fail” at something as we primarily “fear” peoples reaction to our shortcomings. We fear the rejection it will bring, and the credibility hit we’ll take by being unsuccessful at something. In short, it highlights our weakness.

Is this real? Is it true that we’ll suffer as much as we think we will if we go forth and indeed fail? No. Our imagination of how bad it will be, in most cases far outclasses how bad it will actually be. I’ve had my share of “failures” and I don’t feel bad about any of them anymore. I’ve learned a TON of lessons from the times I’ve tried and come up short, and this learning experience of DOING has been worth every perceived set back. I don’t even consider it failing anymore, as I learn the lessons and apply them going forward.

Should we fear failure? No. Is it uncomfortable and part of the growth process. Absolutely. Anybody who’s ever accomplished anything has their roots planted firmly in the failures that led to success.

How about the fear of success? Another very prominent fear which seems illogical but is indeed very real. We fear the loss of our comfort zone, the reaction of friends and loved ones, jealously and perhaps being “better” than those people in our lives currently.

Is it true that if you become successful at your endeavor that you’ll be better than those around you? No. We’re all different, and success or failure doesn’t make one person better than another, simply at different points on their own paths.

Is it true that friends and loved ones may try and hold you back, to keep you “down” where you are. Yes, it may happen and often does. Will they dis-own you for succeeding anyway? Some may. Those who matter will never leave your side. This is actually a great way to identify who truly cares about you and who’s willing to support you. I say it’s better to clear the air every so often and see who’s moving forward with you.

How about this last hurdle, overwhelm. Overwhelm is one of those we can plan to move around/through but can sneak it’s way back into our best laid plans. Trying to write a book start a business, lose 50 pounds, save 6 months worth of reserve funding… ?

All these things have one foundational thing in common. They all take time, and will require persistent commitment over time to accomplish. What happens when we make these longer term goals? It sounds great, we make a plan and are all excited and we move forward. Then after a few days to a week we are back in our daily lives and we’ve realized there is SO MUCH to do and we just aren’t sure what to do next.

We quickly become overwhelmed between our daily existence and the though of all that has to happen to start the business, all the words which have to be typed to create the book, all those salads we have to eat to lose the weight, all those nights out we won’t enjoy as we save money… it’s all just too much. “Tomorrow I’ll get back to it” we say…. except most of us know how this ends.

Getting over the fear of failure/success is fairly easy as it’s essentially moving past our comfort zone and continuing on our path. It’s uncomfortable at first but once we make the mental shift we can keep moving.

Overwhelm is something much more insidious; though this too can be overcome by a tried and true practice. Going back to one of life’s great concepts, simplicity is key. Small victories as I like to call them. Creating small actionable steps for the process which you can check off a list and celebrate the accomplishment of attaining each of these victories.

Trying to start a business? Start with the customer profiled. That’s it. One step. Then go to the mission statement, then a company name, then find the website platform… each of these items seems small but are very important steps in creating a company. And there are a 1,000 more where these came from.

Do you have to map it all out before you start? No. Please for the love of yourself don’t.

Once you move through the first 5-8 steps, create a new 5-8 step list and continue your path. Celebrate each step in a way that is in accordance with the victory. Some wins are much bigger than others, so manage your rewards accordingly based upon what you enjoy.

Trying to lose 50 lbs? Try losing 2 first. Then another 3. Once your down 5, can you make it 8? Each day is a new day to challenge yourself. It’s not about losing 50, it’s about losing 1, then 1 more. That’s it. Simplicity.

Most things in life can be done if done consistently and persistently. Fitness, business, health, relationships… be consistent and persistent, and you’ll experience powerful results.

There is no “there” to get to. Embrace the journey.

A Sign of the times

Posted on by Roger Jarman

We’ve all heard of the importance of being present, living “in the moment”. I imagine it would be hard to find somebody to argue about the merits of being present in our daily lives. I imagine this is a concept which understood and accepted by a vast majority of people.

Yet put into practice, how many of us actually apply the knowledge we have? The old axiom that “knowledge is power” isn’t quite accurate. “USE of knowledge, is power”. Knowledge on it’s own is useless unless acted upon.

Think back on your day today for instance. Have you been present and engaged in each and every moment? In each interaction with people, fully tuned in to what the other person(s) are expressing verbally and non-verbally? While alone are you focused on your immediate surrounding and circumstance, or perhaps your thoughts have roamed to something, or somebody else?

Being present more often is a practice and aiming for perfection will ultimately lead to failure in most cases. We are complex beings with a lot of layers to our being. There isn’t a single thing we can do which will make us “good” or “bad” people. We are a sum of our parts, a compilation of moments and our choices, actions and outcomes form the painting of our lives.

As we practice being focused on each moment and making a choice, taking action based upon the knowledge we have to use, often we’ll make a choice with a positive outcome.

When we are worried or fearful of what the future may hold, of what someone will think about us, of what we could “lose” we tend to action our thoughts in fear, which isn’t based on anything in the present moment.

Being present and focused removes fear and worry by the nature of it. If you are present, you are not worried about the future. You are not worried about what others might think. You are not worried about success or failure. You are focused on what you perceive to be the world, at that moment. In short, removing the “noise” from our thought process brings us to intuitive thought.

When we act intuitively I can assure you this does not always mean comfortably.

It can be difficult and downright scary to go through the process and see the result of your choices come to fruition.

I’ve also seldom been wrong when I choose intuitively and act on the choice, no matter how difficult or daunting.

We are a sum of our thoughts, deeds and actions. We won’t always be winning, nor losing. We won’t always be right, or wrong. We don’t always be at the top of the mountain, nor buried at the bottom.

The more instances we can live presently in the moment, the more peace we will ultimately find within ourselves. It’s not about being 100% every day. It’s about the choice you make right this moment. That’s all that matters. Then repeat.

Not for human consumption

Posted on by Roger Jarman

An interesting thing happened a few weeks ago and it got me thinking. I had a craving for a glass of milk. I haven’t drank a glass of milk in probably 30 years, but suddenly I felt like having a glass of milk. Not just ordinary milk though, I craved something I had never had before. Pure, raw milk and I felt an urge to try it.

I don’t even like milk so I suppressed the urge for a few weeks but curiosity got the best of me and I began searching around me for a place where I could buy pure, raw cow milk. I was in luck, I found a farm not twenty minutes from my house. Off I went.

The farm was amazing, they had a small grocery shop and restaurant, and arts and crafts event on the weekends and even a petting zoo. Being there for the milk I went to the refrigerated area and found milk, whey, yogurts, cream, different cheeses butters and more.

I went to grab a yogurt and a few other thing when I noticed a label saying “not for human consumption”. I thought it was odd, what type of animals are eating yogurt if not humans? Then I noticed this phrasing on all of the dairy products including the milk.

The same dairy foods that have fed the entire human race since the dawn of existence (or at least farming), which is raw dairy, is no longer safe for human consumption? Interesting.

I’m all for simplicity, and trying to source the root cause of things is something I enjoy. How could a food source which has been a staple of humanity for thousands of years no longer be safe to consume?

There are several culprits as to why the labelling is on the products, though it certainly isn’t factually true that raw dairy isn’t for human consumption. Quite the opposite indeed.

While I used to enjoy all the processed foods and fast foods in my younger years, I have since learned a lot about foods and what is actually good for us and not. The simple answer, pure, single ingredient foods are good, beef, dairy, fruits, nuts and so on. Processed foods are not so good to down right bad, (ever seen a paragraph of ingredients on a label?)

Take a look on your next trip to the grocery store, in about any isle in the center of the store, pick a random item up and check the ingredients.

One thing that I’ve learned is particularly bad for us, which is championed by many are seed oils. Vegetable oil, corn oil, and so forth. Here a great article which sums up the oils we consume very well.

Going back to raw milk and simplicity, as my intention isn’t to get into a full-on history of food, but make a more focused point. In today’s day and age there is information everywhere. The downside is a lot of it is garbage. The sad part is most of the garbage is fed to us by those who we should be able to trust the most.

Food started changing during the industrial revolution, people started moving to cities and the availability of fresh food and dairy became difficult as refrigeration and transport wasn’t what it is today. As things shifted, people began creating new products to cover the smell/taste of food on the bring of expiration. Things like ketchup where created to enable people to stomach the meat which was nearly rotten, but which was available.

Over time, people kept adding things to plug holes or make something better. Today we’re dealing with an explosion of obesity because we keep adding fixes to the symptom of the problem, while never addressing the actual problem.

If we all ate whole foods, un-processed foods and spent some time in the sun each day we would experience a renaissance of health in this country. Like most things in life, the answer is very simple. Executing it can be more challenging.

My point in all of this is this. We have to question what we are told by the “experts” and have to be responsible for ourselves and our families. When something a simple and pure as raw dairy is “not for human consumption” it means there is a much, much larger problem we’re not addressing.

If you’re looking for better food sources, here is a link to a great website where you can search for a farm near you. Supporting those farmers and small business owners in our communities is how the world has worked for millennia, and returning to this foundation in our modern world yields some cool results.

God Bless America

Posted on by Roger Jarman

On this day of July 4th we celebrate the Independence of this amazing country. The founding of this great nation happened as does everything in life, one step at a time.

While July 4th is the date we all recognize as our independence day, it isn’t actually the day we won or achieved our independence. It is indeed the day 56 delegates officially declared the intention to create independence from Britain.

It wasn’t until September 3, 1783 (a full seven years later) that Britain finally recognized the declared independence at the Treaty of Paris.

It was almost 6 years later before George Washington was inaugurated as the first President of the United States on April 30th, 1789.

In between the Declaration of Independence and the signing of the Treaty of Paris, a war waged to create the vision our founders sought. The 56 delegates who signed the declaration, along with all of those colonists who supported them quite literally chose to fight for what they believed was their God given right, or die trying.

When looking at the history of the Revolutionary war, it’s stunning to think thirteen colonies could unite and overcome the greatest fighting force in the world. Both sides took allies to help with their objective, only one chose God as it’s foundation from the start.

David beating Goliath on a global scale.

During Washington’s inauguration the procession went from Federal Hall to St. Paul’s Chapel in NY for a service and prayer for the new nation. Our first President in his first act, chose to include God and prayer as primary staples of this infant nation.

As we celebrate today, and everyday we are blessed to live in this country I feel it’s important to also recognize God and His hand in where we are, what our ancestors have achieved.

This is not about religion, (freedom of religion is also a staple of our beginnings) but about God and the higher power we are all connected to in some way, in our own way.

In our daily lives it’s easy to forget that the journey to the goal is just as important as the the goal at the end. The seven years of war had to happen to forge the strength, the resilience and the compassion which is a mainstay of what America is known for.

The bigger the goal, the tougher the road. In our lives individually and as a nation, a world.

On this day of celebration I for one will return to my roots in God, and celebrate His greatness in my life. For even on the darkest of days, the light is always shining.

Being Peaceful within the storm.

Posted on by Roger Jarman

I am a big fan of simple. There is all too much complexity for the sake of it in life and I for one have diligently worked to eliminate as much complexity from my day as I can.

From dieting, workout routines and self-help books/podcasts to business books and money management there are a billion directions you can go. How many of these promise to be the “one thing you need!” or the “top tens ways to kick-ass everyday!” (in one form or another).

Don’t get me wrong, most of these all contain quality material and is based on knowledge and experience, I’m all for different avenues we all resonate with different approaches.

If though you have a problem and are looking for one book, one podcast, one person to fix your issue(s) you likely won’t find it. More often than not, the issue(s) your trying to fix isn’t actually the root cause of the problem.

Most of us don’t actually know what we want, even when we REALLY, REALLY WANT IT!

With all the noise in our lives it’s hard to remember what’s truly important. Honestly, it’s not a whole lot, but it is everything. Family, loved ones, adding value to those around you, being a good example for your children and neighbors, what impact you will leave once your gone, these things matter. The house, the car, the money, the status, the ego… none of this matters at the end of the day.

I have been on a mission for the past decade to find peace in my life. For the hundreds of books I’ve ready, the thousands of hours of listening I’ve done I’ve come to one simple conclusion.

God is what matters. Finding God and creating an active relationship with God has been the most powerful and impactful thing I’ve ever done. This coming from somebody who dropped out of confirmation class as a teenager and not currently involved in any organized religion.

If you have struggled to find peace in yourself, if you have found “success” in life but still have a hole growing within you, here’s the good news. You don’t need to ready a library worth of books to figure it out and apply a hundred different practices within your day.

Simply turn to God, in your own time and way. There is no one-size-fits all spiritualism or religion. How I communicate with God is my own, and I have learned how to do this in a way which works in my life and fuels me when this little world of ours goes sideways.

When I am faced with challenges I don’t know how to cope with, I used to strategize, plan and stress myself out over the ways to overcome it. These days, I take a step back and thank God for the opportunity to practice my faith, and the challenge resolves itself.

Simple. Powerful. Peaceful.

This isn’t to say my life is perfect and everything is great all the time. As a father, a husband, a business owner and athlete I can assure you I have my share of challenges and “WTF” events. It’s my approach to get things back on track which has changed, and life is better for it.

If this resonates in some way and you’re not sure where to start or why it resonates, let me know. God is always there, especially in those moments we feel most alone. Shift your perspective and you’ll find him if you haven’t yet.

A gift to receive.

Posted on by Roger Jarman

If you’re anything like me you’re well versed in the arena of being the Giver. From the school of it’s better to give than to receive. If fact many of us have been so trained to give, that we don’t know how to receive.

For as long as I can remember I’ve had a hard time accepting a compliment comfortably. It’s always an awkward moment when someone offers a compliment, let alone a gift or help. I have always considered myself to be the complimenter, the giver, the helper.

I’ve never taken time to understand the importance learning how to receive gracefully. Indeed this is as important as the giving is. It’s the yin and the yang, the left and the right, the up and down. The giving, and receiving is all one thing, balancing each other out.

I’m very spiritual and recently this topic of receipt came up for me and had me thinking. How often I meditate and pray for things I already have, yet haven’t allowed myself to receive the very thing I’m in search of.

While I practice being present in each moment, I have several tools I use to keep myself centered and focused in most instances. I find myself being present in the moment, while also keeping an eye to the future for those things I want.

A few examples of this, is the current house search I am on for a larger house for my family. Yet I have a great house, in a great neighborhood, and even good neighbors! Yet I discount much of this. I pay lip service to being grateful for it, I act like I am in gratitude for my home as it is.

Yet I find I have not allowed myself to receive the gift my home truly is. It’s shelter for my family, a roof over our heads, coolness in the summer, heat in the winter, and dry in the rain. A space we have created countless memories and shared love, laughs, tears and all the emotions a family imparts together. It’s all I could ever desire from a home.

Another example is my health, both physically and mentally. I am in the best health of my life right now, in this moment. And while I am grateful for this, I understand fully how far I have come. I also know how far I have to go… The path is long, and I am on the journey, far from complete.

As I mentioned I am grateful for all the blessings I have, there are many. Yet when given a simple compliment I have a hard time trying to respond, I don’t know what to do.

I realized my inability to accept a compliment was so much deeper than originally thought. I had spent all my time on the “give”, never wanting to be selfish and “get”.

I am all for balance in life, yet this was a blind-spot I noticed within me. Giving is hugely important and should be done generously in all mediums.

Learning how to gracefully receive is a deep lesson which will bring as much peace as giving. If someone is giving to you, you’ve probably earned it in some way. Even if you haven’t “earned” it, you are the recipient of another persons “give”. It’s OK to accept and be gracious and humbled in receipt.

If you ever find yourself praying/meditating for love, be sure to receive the love you already have. If you find yourself praying for money, gratefully receive the money you already have. If you’re not in a relationship but wish to be, receive the relationship you have with yourself first.

Being grateful for something, and receiving it are not one in the same. I didn’t know there was a difference for a long time. There is always a balance in this universe, love and hate, joy and despair, light and dark.

Nothing exists without it’s opposite and all are needed. Giving and receiving are not opposites in this case and compliment each other like salt and pepper or peanut butter and jelly when done without ego or pride.

The next time you find yourself in receipt of a compliment or gift, pay attention to your natural response. If you’re the “no, I couldn’t accept that…” type like me, take a swing at simply accepting and saying “Thank you”.

Competitive Advantage

Posted on by Roger Jarman

In my experience thus far I’ve learned a lot of things, and have a lot more still to learn. One thing which has been coming up lately for me is the competitive advantage concept around business. Just about every lower level manager up to the business owner know all about competitive advantage.

For those who aren’t familiar it simply means this. What makes your company/service/product different from the rest of the market? What makes your business special? Why should a customer do business with you over another similar option?

For many businesses this is one of the focal points of everything they do. Often, the easy default is “our people are the difference” and you’ve seen many companies with a tag line saying essentially the same thing.

Some companies spend a lot of money trying to out-do the competition and beat the “other guys” for market share and more sales. Think about every car, soda, potato chip commercial you’ve ever seen…

Each business is different with different needs. I don’t pretend to speak for everyone, only for myself. The competitive advantage axiom is and has been conventional wisdom for as long as business schools have been around.

Here’s the thing about conventional wisdom. It’s always conventional, just not always wisdom.

For you entrepreneurs and small/medium business owners, spend your time on improving your company, product and service and less figuring out what makes you special.

The customer wants to know how you can help them, after all you are there to provide a service/product to the customer. Spend less time thinking about your story and more time thinking about the customer experience.

There are always people who are working harder than you, and there are always people not working as hard as you. Most of them are all trying to sell themselves by touting why their different, better than the next guy.

We can’t control what others do, yet we can control what we do. In my experience when I focus myself and my business on doing the best we can for our customers and our employees; good things happen.

Doing the right thing, (not the easy thing) in the small moments builds a practice for doing the right thing in the big moments. Practice being your best, putting your best foot forward in each interaction. You won’t always succeed, you will fail in this at times. And it’s ok. Walk it off and try it again, and again.

When people ask me what my competition is, I always say the same thing. “We really don’t have any”. We focus on servicing our customer with the highest expectations, actively learning and understanding what they really need; then delivering on that.

In this approach it doesn’t matter what anyone else is doing. While the “competition” does one thing better than me, they do something else worse. There is no perfect business, each has strengths and weaknesses. Ultimately customers will do business with who they feel more comfortable with.

Your company story and brand IS important. I say build the story around the customer first, and secondly how you were able to solution their problem. At the end of the day, your customers and they’re referral are your best advantage over the competition.