Why do we wait

Posted on by Roger Jarman

I don’t know about you, but I’m the type of person who doesn’t like to wait for things. When I have an idea I like to take action on it right away in most cases. From doing something around the house, to working with customers, to my fitness program I tend to action things quickly.

But sometimes procrastination sets in on things I’d rather not procrastinate on. While I don’t consider myself to be procrastinator, I’ve certainly done it from time to time. I’ve heard there are three primary reasons people procrastinate and I’d tend to from what I’ve experienced.

The first one is the fear of failure. Then there is the fear of success, which is harder to overcome than a fear of failure oftentimes. Then there is overwhelm. Overwhelm about how to solve or action a large goal, project or idea. Let’s take a quick look at these three.

First, the fear of failure. We can all be reluctant to “fail” at something as we primarily “fear” peoples reaction to our shortcomings. We fear the rejection it will bring, and the credibility hit we’ll take by being unsuccessful at something. In short, it highlights our weakness.

Is this real? Is it true that we’ll suffer as much as we think we will if we go forth and indeed fail? No. Our imagination of how bad it will be, in most cases far outclasses how bad it will actually be. I’ve had my share of “failures” and I don’t feel bad about any of them anymore. I’ve learned a TON of lessons from the times I’ve tried and come up short, and this learning experience of DOING has been worth every perceived set back. I don’t even consider it failing anymore, as I learn the lessons and apply them going forward.

Should we fear failure? No. Is it uncomfortable and part of the growth process. Absolutely. Anybody who’s ever accomplished anything has their roots planted firmly in the failures that led to success.

How about the fear of success? Another very prominent fear which seems illogical but is indeed very real. We fear the loss of our comfort zone, the reaction of friends and loved ones, jealously and perhaps being “better” than those people in our lives currently.

Is it true that if you become successful at your endeavor that you’ll be better than those around you? No. We’re all different, and success or failure doesn’t make one person better than another, simply at different points on their own paths.

Is it true that friends and loved ones may try and hold you back, to keep you “down” where you are. Yes, it may happen and often does. Will they dis-own you for succeeding anyway? Some may. Those who matter will never leave your side. This is actually a great way to identify who truly cares about you and who’s willing to support you. I say it’s better to clear the air every so often and see who’s moving forward with you.

How about this last hurdle, overwhelm. Overwhelm is one of those we can plan to move around/through but can sneak it’s way back into our best laid plans. Trying to write a book start a business, lose 50 pounds, save 6 months worth of reserve funding… ?

All these things have one foundational thing in common. They all take time, and will require persistent commitment over time to accomplish. What happens when we make these longer term goals? It sounds great, we make a plan and are all excited and we move forward. Then after a few days to a week we are back in our daily lives and we’ve realized there is SO MUCH to do and we just aren’t sure what to do next.

We quickly become overwhelmed between our daily existence and the though of all that has to happen to start the business, all the words which have to be typed to create the book, all those salads we have to eat to lose the weight, all those nights out we won’t enjoy as we save money… it’s all just too much. “Tomorrow I’ll get back to it” we say…. except most of us know how this ends.

Getting over the fear of failure/success is fairly easy as it’s essentially moving past our comfort zone and continuing on our path. It’s uncomfortable at first but once we make the mental shift we can keep moving.

Overwhelm is something much more insidious; though this too can be overcome by a tried and true practice. Going back to one of life’s great concepts, simplicity is key. Small victories as I like to call them. Creating small actionable steps for the process which you can check off a list and celebrate the accomplishment of attaining each of these victories.

Trying to start a business? Start with the customer profiled. That’s it. One step. Then go to the mission statement, then a company name, then find the website platform… each of these items seems small but are very important steps in creating a company. And there are a 1,000 more where these came from.

Do you have to map it all out before you start? No. Please for the love of yourself don’t.

Once you move through the first 5-8 steps, create a new 5-8 step list and continue your path. Celebrate each step in a way that is in accordance with the victory. Some wins are much bigger than others, so manage your rewards accordingly based upon what you enjoy.

Trying to lose 50 lbs? Try losing 2 first. Then another 3. Once your down 5, can you make it 8? Each day is a new day to challenge yourself. It’s not about losing 50, it’s about losing 1, then 1 more. That’s it. Simplicity.

Most things in life can be done if done consistently and persistently. Fitness, business, health, relationships… be consistent and persistent, and you’ll experience powerful results.

There is no “there” to get to. Embrace the journey.

Will you answer the call:

Posted on by Roger Jarman

Many of us have a practice which we use to realign ourselves. Each of us has various ways of doing this, many go to church on Sundays, many mediation, often people do both. Some of us find our peace through fitness, or pottery, or a hobby of some kind.

There are a thousand ways people can find their “center”, their time when we are peaceful with ourselves and the world. We find our peace through the storm of the world, and it’s our reprieve from the madness which seems to surround us.

What if we could find this peace in the context of our everyday activities? What if we could operate at the office, interact with people with an under current of calm confidence, even in the most tense of times?

When the kids are running around, the phone is ringing, the customers are looking for answers, the bosses are asking for the reports, the deadlines are coming fast. All of this can be overwhelming and often it is.

It doesn’t have to be this way. Over my last several posts I’ve been talking about tools we can use in daily life to reframe the world we experience. To adjust our perspectives a bit. These tools are designed to be used within daily life.

While I’ve touched on three of four of these tools so far, (fourth coming soon) I have outlined and overviewed each of them. I am putting together a deep dive on each one and how it applies to different areas of our lives.

How can we apply these tools within our career, home, family, relationships with others, and ourselves. I need your help. If you are reading this, then YOU are who I am talking to.

I have used these tools within my own life to create a consistent peace, harmony and balance within all areas of my life. This sense has helped me take on challenges I would’ve thought impossible in the past. I know they work, because I experience the results and have done the work.

I need your feedback to ensure I focus on what will be most impactful, powerful for YOU. I am designing a program which will enable powerful results within the areas of life which you apply the tools.

For those who respond, I am working on a gift/thank you for your time which I truly value. Please copy and past the below questions into an email (or word doc if you prefer) and email your responses to me directly at: roger@powerfullifeinc.com.

There are no right or wrongs, good or bad. Quick answers, the first thing which comes to mind are ideal instead of long thought responses. Thank you for your participation!

Fast Forward 6 months, what would you like to be different about your life?

Please rate these five areas in life, (5) being strongest (best) and (1) being the weakest: Mental health, physical health, career, relationships, finances.

What are your top 3 goals?

Why do you want to achieve these goals?

How will accomplishing these goals change your life?

What is currently in the way of achieving your goals?

What are common situations which derail you?

When you fail, what is the thought or phrase which runs through your mind?

What are you afraid will happen if you don’t reach your goals?

What do you want out of a program which helps you achieve your goals?

Do you want me to reach out when I put the program together?

I look forward to putting this together with you, and I’m excited for the results we’ll deliver!

It’s not you, it’s me.

Posted on by Roger Jarman

The third edition or tool in this blog series is understanding nearly all our interactions are not personal, meaning it’s not about US, it’s usually about the other person.

This practice can help you reframe context in the moment and shift your perspective instantly. Practicing this can elevate your communication skills at home, work and your social life.

There are a few things to consider as a baseline for this tool. Firstly, if you look at a road map it can give you a good idea of where you are, or where you want to go from a routing standpoint, which streets to take and direction to go. A map though will not tell you where the pot-holes are, or stop signs, or “no left turn”, or “one-way” roads.

A map will give you guidance, but the terrain is a much different animal. Our perspectives on life are very much the same. Many of us have heard the axiom “perception is reality”. This is true as far as the individual who is doing the perceiving.

When we are communicating with others, our thoughts and perceptions are very different from theirs, even with friends and loved ones. We may see eye to eye on most things, but you’ll notice a few areas where you an even your closest relation have differing opinions.

Understanding people have very different perceptions than our own, and that “perception is reality”, we can see how a simple mis-understanding, or saying something a certain way can trigger us or the other party.

When we trigger somebody in this way, it has nothing to do with us and is a chance for us to learn a touch point, and gain further insight into the reaction. More on this on another day.

If we are triggered by something, then we have an opportunity to learn a touch point about ourselves, and we get to work on healing it. We get to see where we can grow mentally in these areas as they are highlighted to us.

Another baseline concept is that people are always making the best choices available to them, at that moment. People want to be good, and often they do what is perceived to be the best thing for them even when it’s at the expense of someone/something else.

Ever wonder why that co-worker threw you under the bus with the boss? It wasn’t about you, it was about them advancing their own agenda.

Lastly, the mirror effect is a well known concept which can be a tough one to accept for many. Essentially, what we see in this world is a mirror of what we are giving, putting out into the world. Imagine if all you see is sickness, misery and a world falling apart? That’s a hard pill to swallow and accept it’s not the world who’s crumbling, but you.

The mirror effect though is a real thing. This isn’t to say it’s fair, nice, considerate or compassionate to your circumstances. It can be magical, it can also be brutal. The good news is we have a choice in the matter.

What we experience from other people is a mirror of what we are displaying. It’s never about how we’re being treated as much as it is how we are treating others. It’s not personal FROM others to us, though it is entirely personal from us TO others. This brings us back to perspective. A nice clean circle.

When we are being treated, or experiencing things we don’t like we have to look inward to ourselves first.

The world we live in, the perspective we have, the live we create is entirely up to us and only us to adapt as we choose. When we allow ourselves to be persecuted, attacked, and get down on ourselves and our surroundings we will simply have more of this.

When we realize the world is doing what the world does, and people are doing what people do, and it will all happen whether we are here to experience it or not.

If you’ve ever missed an event you were invited to, a birthday, a recital, a wedding, a baseball game, you name it. The even still happened even if you didn’t show up. That is the world we live in. It’s not personal unless we take it personally, which all to often many of us do.

Creating power in your life means taking ownership of everything you experience. If you don’t like it, find a way to change it. It’s not easy, but it is simple by design.

When you start to use these tools together inside of your daily life you will begin to see shifts in how things transpire. It doesn’t happen overnight, and this is a practice which will take time to learn, hone and improve upon.

Choosing to shift our thoughts is one thing. Consistently practicing over the long term to create lasting change in us, and therefore around us is another thing. The good news is the choices are ours, and when we regress we can always shift back on track again.

Stay tuned for part 4 of this series of tools to upgrade your thoughts.

Hold that thought.

Posted on by Roger Jarman

I was reminded of a very powerful (yet easy to forget) concept recently, which reminded me about the efficiency of the universe we live in. In all aspects of life I’ve found common “rules” or “laws” if you will, and over the years I’ve learned many of these concepts I’ve experienced are quite literally universal laws which govern the world we experience.

All are powerful. All are also very simple in nature. Our daily lives are often cluttered and overcomplicated. Think about how many advertisements you see and hear on a daily basis, whether or not you watch TV, listen to the radio or visit a local store. Advertisements to get us to take this medicine, (it’s crazy how a pharmaceutical company would even need to advertise… this is for another day!) prompts of services for cell phones, internet, how many car ads can we get into the mix, or even the lawyers and realtors faces posted at the bus stop. Every day we are being suggestively told we NEED something we don’t have. Western culture has created a “keep up with the Joneses'” mindset throughout the majority of our culture. Pull up any social media platform these days and it’s all about who’s got the most followers, people now being the commodity over a product for the first time.

This type of overt direct messaging, along with the subliminal messaging underlying the advertising industry of “you need X to be happy” can take a deeper root within us if we pay too close attention. Even if the immediate products and services aren’t interesting to us, we are still hearing “we need X” subconsciously. Being inundated with a certain message or messages creates a thought pattern which can manifest itself directly, or very often indirectly.

Going back to the beginning, here is the reminder I came across which resonated with me once again, as it always does with me.

Watch your thoughts, for they become words.

Watch your words, for they become actions.

Watch your actions, for they become habit.

Watch your habits, for they become your character.

Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.

For most of us, the above isn’t actually new information, yet it’s very easy to forget how quickly a thought can grow to become so much more. Seeing an advertisement isn’t a big deal. However when you are exposed to the same message repeatedly it can very easily establish a foothold in our subconscious mind, from which it can grow rapidly if left un-checked

Luckily, the solution is just as simple as the construct above. For only $99 down I’ll give you everything you need to figure it out! If you pay me, then you’ll be able to find happiness!

Just kidding.

Except about the simple solution part, that part is very true. One way I like to “check” myself is to ask myself why I do or think something. Understanding our why in life is another topic altogether, and the larger concept of this smaller, bite size version. We can break down segments and ask very specific why questions, and the cumulative responses gives us a better idea of what is going on in our subconscious.

Why do I get up and go to work everyday? To pay the bills or because I actually love what I do?

Why do I celebrate an occasion with food and/or beverage which is not beneficial for my bodies long term health?

Why did I get so upset when that dude cut me off on the highway? Did I really need to give him the finger?

Why is my wife always right?

What is it that I love so much about breathing fresh air in the morning, or seeing the sun rise?

These are just a few examples of questions, some deeper and much harder to answer. Noticing our behavior during certain instances and questioning the root of our emotions, thoughts and feelings is a great way to begin to understand what is happening below the surface. There are no right or wrong answers, and enjoying this life and some of the “vices” may be a part of the journey you enjoy. If you like having a drink (or ice-cream, or pick your poison) after work, you don’t have to beat yourself up for it. Asking the question doesn’t mean there will be a negative response.

One thing is clear to me through my experience. Thoughts are indeed things. More aptly put, feelings become reality. Our subconscious mind doesn’t deal in words or phrases, it deals in energy, in feeling. As you notice your actions and question the root, pay close attention to how you feel about the instance more than what words come to describe it. Do you feel good about what just happened, or not so much? The feeling is the true barometer of what we are experiencing.

On the previous blog I spoke about consistency, practice over perfection. Our thoughts during any given day are very much in this category of practice and consistency. If we are more often thinking and feeling things of a higher vibration (joy, love, inner peace), our external life will reflect this. If we are always in the lower energy thoughts (anger, jealously, self pity…) our life will just as accurately reflect this too.

The good news is we get to choose, and we become what we practice.

Life is simple. (That’s not to say it’s easy)

No matter how difficult or complex it may become, it can always be simplified down to reveal what’s underlaying what we’re experiencing.