Practice what you wish for.

Posted on by Roger Jarman

When we want something in life, a higher paying job, a new car, a bigger house, a perfect spouse, kids who keep their rooms clean… often we wish for the “thing” to happen and expect a magic wand to make it so. How disappointing it is though, when these wishes go unfulfilled.

Often times it seems like we get the opposite of what we’re wishing for. We may desire a better relationship with our boss, co-worker, spouse, kids, you name it. Yet what we often experience is an argument or some kind of dust up with the very person we wish to be closer to.

Perhaps work is more stressful than usual and all you’ve been hoping for was a little less stress involved in your daily life. Or you’ve been trying to fit into that next size down in clothing but seem to be closer to a size up instead.

What we hope and wish for often times seems to go the opposite way a lot of the time. This doesn’t mean that God and the Universe are against you, perhaps just the opposite.

When we wish for something, what is it exactly that we expect to happen? Do we expect our relationship to simply BE better, a flip of the switch and just like that everything is good? Do we expect those extra inches at our waistline to simply not be there when we wake up in the morning?

We have become accustomed to our immediate satisfaction society, where nearly everything happens quickly. With some exceptional disruptions in our supply chain these last two years, we’ve become very used to the idea of immediate response service.

Not too many people think of what they expect to actually happen when they wish for something, there is an expectation for the “thing” to happen, with a very vague idea as to how it might manifest itself.

If you want more love in your life, then you may be given an opportunity to be loving to the person or people whom you want more love. How do you thing this would manifest exactly? Do you think it would come from an easy situation, like coming home to dinner cooked and on the table waiting for you?

Or would it be the opposite, you come home and it’s a mess, the kitchen is dirty and your “loved” one is sitting on the couch half asleep when you walk in?

Which of these scenarios opens the door for US, to be more loving?

I’ll give you a hint. It’s not the first one. That’s too easy. We don’t learn anything when it’s easy.

Perhaps what we get when we wish for something, is the opportunity to BE the very thing we wish for. After all, we reap what we sow.

When we are wishing for things like better health, more love, a promotion, a bigger house etc… what we’re really asking for is a change in our lifestyle, a change as we are dis-satisfied with the status quo. Therefore, by the very nature of our wish, our request, we are asking for an opportunity to learn, to create a attitude and/or habits.

Diets for instance only work while your “on” the diet, and then the weight comes flooding back on when we are “off” the diet. Why? Because we didn’t change our lifestyle to understand how to eat properly everyday, day in and day out. We only “learn” how to eat properly by practicing saying NO to things which don’t promote weight loss.

When you can say NO to the donuts Jerry brought into the office and not feel like your missing out, you’ve made a stride in changing your lifestyle. So when you wish for a leaner waist and a healthier body, you can rest assured Jerry is bringing donuts tomorrow! And you’ll have your opportunity to BE healthier.

We reap what we sow, and we don’t learn from easy. If you want healthy, be healthy. If you want more love, be loving to those around you, especially when you feel they deserve it the least. If you want more money, be generous with others. If you can’t afford it (prices aren’t going down these days after all!) take a closer look at what your spending on to see if you can spare something. If not money then, give your time to someone who’s lonely, perhaps some clothes to someone who needs them more, you get the point.

Patience is a virtue our culture is losing, yet it’s one of the key ingredients to finding peace in our hearts no matter the environment around us. Taking the time to practice those things we desire is a great way to practice patience as well.

The next time you wish for something, before you become frustrated by the situations which arise, give thanks to God for the opportunity you have to be that which you wish for. As you practice, you will then receive exactly what you wish for if you are patient for the result.

Good luck!

Just a little more

Posted on by Roger Jarman

For the past few years I’ve participated in a Memorial Day tradition within the CrossFit community. By completing a Hero workout named “Murph” where we honor not only fallen hero Michael Murphy, the workouts namesake but all those who’ve sacrificed so much for our ability to enjoy this great nation.

I’m grateful for the chance to keep the memory of our hero’s alive, and a chance to embody even a glimmer of what they represented. This year was a bit different and I had the opportunity to complete this workout not once, but twice in three days. The first time on Saturday, and again on the official holiday of Monday.

After Saturday I can tell you, my body was sore in places I haven’t been sore in for a long time, and I’m a fairly good athlete who keeps active daily. I had no intention of repeating Murph again on Monday, but showed up to stretch and keep things light while others completed the workload.

Except, I felt a pull within me, a nudge from God maybe urging me to go ahead and run the first mile and see what happens. The funny thing is I could barely reach the top of my head because my arms and back were so sore. From somewhere within me I hear:

“I bet Lt. Murphy felt worse than you did, he and others kept going…”

What was I to say to that? Every excuse which came to mind simply fell flat. When the clock began, so did I.

During the workout, after the mile run, after completing the 100 pull-ups with my hands bleeding from the bar, about mid-way through the 200 push-ups, I was cooked, ready to throw in the towel. After all, I already did this whole thing on Saturday, so today’s “extra”. Right?

“I bet Lt. Murphy felt worse than you did, he and others kept going…”

Back to push-ups I went. Then on to 300 air squats and another mile run to pull myself through the workout.

Yet, it wasn’t me pulling myself through this. It did take a lot of will-power, yet I also felt the presence of those whom I was paying homage to, guiding me to keep going. God reached down and gave me the strength and endurance I needed to see it through, especially when I didn’t think I could.

Life will find a way to put us in situations where we feel like there is no escape, no outlet. Yet here we are. If you get out of your own head, out of your own way, and just start moving you’ll find life moves with you. No matter what you are doing, from the gym, starting a new business, asking out that person who’s out of your league… Once started, keeping momentum becomes easier.

It’s not easy, it’s not for the faint of heart, but it is attainable and achievable if you only keep moving. Move through the set backs, doubts and fears. God is there to guide us, and He will pull us through the storms in our lives if we just pay attention and listen.

“Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” -Mathew 11:29-30

We are asked to take the yoke of Jesus, we too have work to do. The yoke of Jesus however is easy, and the burden light, as He is doing the heavy lifting for us. Our perception may seem like we have the weight of the world on our shoulders, but it’s only our perception.

God has a lot of tools to give us the strength we need to keep going when we don’t think we can. Today, he guided a warriors spirit to walk me through my bodily pain and achieve something I didn’t think I had in me.

As we honor those fallen hero’s this Memorial Day, we keep their spirit alive within us, showing those behind us what’s possible. Thank you, for everything.

It’s all good, so what is missing?

Posted on by Roger Jarman

I’m the type who is always looking to improve myself and different areas of my life. Each day I want to grow as a person over what I was yesterday and today. This mindset has kept me on a journey into many different practices of mindfulness, spirituality and religious concepts.

My first foray into the “power of positivity” was about 15 years ago with the movie The Secret which is one of the most popular and widely shared movies of it’s kind. This introduction lead me into books, podcasts and seminars focused on positivity and manifesting my “perfect” life.

The only problem though is that as hard as I tried to be positive all the time, and think about all that cool stuff I wanted to attract, it just wasn’t happening. For all the positivity I was outlaying, I simply wasn’t seeing the results I desired, or at least thought I desired.

I’ve never been a religious person, though I have become very spiritual over the years along my journey. I believe in a higher power, call is Source, Energy, The One… choose your key word. For all of it though in those quiet moments of reflection, deep down there was still something missing, not aligned fully. The positive vibes weren’t enough on their own, like a potted flower without water.

Eventually I was lead to Christian teachings about the Jesus and the Bible. At first these concepts rang true as concepts, samples of what can happen in life if the right energy is created and manifested within me personally.

Then these concepts started to take on a life of their own for me. I started to study the bible, little by little, taking daily passages and contemplating them and a realization occurred, (more I remembered than realized) that God is within me, not some mysterious Source of the universe who’s “out there” creating all the stuff we ask for like a celestial Santa Clause.

With this remembrance, that God is in me, I am a part of Him, yet NOT God myself. Much like a character in a book or movie, the author creates the character and has a part of their being imbedded in the character, yet the character is by no means a full representation of the author.

This remembrance deepened my curiosity in the Bible and Jesus’ life, for when he sacrificed himself mankind’s relationship with God forever changed, and God came to live within each and every one of us. Whether we realize it or not, God is there waiting for us to choose him, or the world we perceive.

For years along my spiritual journey there has been something missing, some key element not settled, like a piece of a puzzle missing right out of the middle of it. Jesus is the piece of the puzzle which so eluded me for so long.

I say all this as there is an awakening happening in our world, as has been for some time now. There is a spiritual shift and many people are waking up, and walking towards the light in the same fashion I have. If you are one of these travelers, and you too have felt in the deep recesses of you being that there is a piece missing, a part of the positivity which isn’t fully working, then I highly suggest you pick up a study bible, open yourself up to Jesus and give God a shot to show himself in your life.

It’s not a path of riches and roses all the time, far from it. For God has a plan for each of us, yet we will only go as far on this path as our FAITH in His plan will allow. When struggles and trials come into your life, rejoice instead of backing away in fear. For these trials are where God builds faith in us all.

When we pray for love, God doesn’t just waive a wand and POOF! we have love. He gives us an opportunity to BE loving towards someone else. This may manifest itself as a spouse or friend arguing with us over something, and instead of us fighting back in order to be “right”, we can instead BE loving and try and understand where they are coming from, no matter how far fetched their position may seem to us.

We often don’t actually know what we want, and it’s probably a great thing that celestial Santa isn’t up there giving us all what we think we want to manifest with our positive vibes and good energy.

God’s plan for us may be something out of left field that we’ve never thought of, but if we follow it whole heartedly in faith, the peace, calm, and joy of doing so far outweighs anything material this world can provide.

If you are on a journey of awakening, be patient, be consistent and enjoy the process most of all. For there is no destination, just the journey and the enlightening moments along the way.

Why do we wait

Posted on by Roger Jarman

I don’t know about you, but I’m the type of person who doesn’t like to wait for things. When I have an idea I like to take action on it right away in most cases. From doing something around the house, to working with customers, to my fitness program I tend to action things quickly.

But sometimes procrastination sets in on things I’d rather not procrastinate on. While I don’t consider myself to be procrastinator, I’ve certainly done it from time to time. I’ve heard there are three primary reasons people procrastinate and I’d tend to from what I’ve experienced.

The first one is the fear of failure. Then there is the fear of success, which is harder to overcome than a fear of failure oftentimes. Then there is overwhelm. Overwhelm about how to solve or action a large goal, project or idea. Let’s take a quick look at these three.

First, the fear of failure. We can all be reluctant to “fail” at something as we primarily “fear” peoples reaction to our shortcomings. We fear the rejection it will bring, and the credibility hit we’ll take by being unsuccessful at something. In short, it highlights our weakness.

Is this real? Is it true that we’ll suffer as much as we think we will if we go forth and indeed fail? No. Our imagination of how bad it will be, in most cases far outclasses how bad it will actually be. I’ve had my share of “failures” and I don’t feel bad about any of them anymore. I’ve learned a TON of lessons from the times I’ve tried and come up short, and this learning experience of DOING has been worth every perceived set back. I don’t even consider it failing anymore, as I learn the lessons and apply them going forward.

Should we fear failure? No. Is it uncomfortable and part of the growth process. Absolutely. Anybody who’s ever accomplished anything has their roots planted firmly in the failures that led to success.

How about the fear of success? Another very prominent fear which seems illogical but is indeed very real. We fear the loss of our comfort zone, the reaction of friends and loved ones, jealously and perhaps being “better” than those people in our lives currently.

Is it true that if you become successful at your endeavor that you’ll be better than those around you? No. We’re all different, and success or failure doesn’t make one person better than another, simply at different points on their own paths.

Is it true that friends and loved ones may try and hold you back, to keep you “down” where you are. Yes, it may happen and often does. Will they dis-own you for succeeding anyway? Some may. Those who matter will never leave your side. This is actually a great way to identify who truly cares about you and who’s willing to support you. I say it’s better to clear the air every so often and see who’s moving forward with you.

How about this last hurdle, overwhelm. Overwhelm is one of those we can plan to move around/through but can sneak it’s way back into our best laid plans. Trying to write a book start a business, lose 50 pounds, save 6 months worth of reserve funding… ?

All these things have one foundational thing in common. They all take time, and will require persistent commitment over time to accomplish. What happens when we make these longer term goals? It sounds great, we make a plan and are all excited and we move forward. Then after a few days to a week we are back in our daily lives and we’ve realized there is SO MUCH to do and we just aren’t sure what to do next.

We quickly become overwhelmed between our daily existence and the though of all that has to happen to start the business, all the words which have to be typed to create the book, all those salads we have to eat to lose the weight, all those nights out we won’t enjoy as we save money… it’s all just too much. “Tomorrow I’ll get back to it” we say…. except most of us know how this ends.

Getting over the fear of failure/success is fairly easy as it’s essentially moving past our comfort zone and continuing on our path. It’s uncomfortable at first but once we make the mental shift we can keep moving.

Overwhelm is something much more insidious; though this too can be overcome by a tried and true practice. Going back to one of life’s great concepts, simplicity is key. Small victories as I like to call them. Creating small actionable steps for the process which you can check off a list and celebrate the accomplishment of attaining each of these victories.

Trying to start a business? Start with the customer profiled. That’s it. One step. Then go to the mission statement, then a company name, then find the website platform… each of these items seems small but are very important steps in creating a company. And there are a 1,000 more where these came from.

Do you have to map it all out before you start? No. Please for the love of yourself don’t.

Once you move through the first 5-8 steps, create a new 5-8 step list and continue your path. Celebrate each step in a way that is in accordance with the victory. Some wins are much bigger than others, so manage your rewards accordingly based upon what you enjoy.

Trying to lose 50 lbs? Try losing 2 first. Then another 3. Once your down 5, can you make it 8? Each day is a new day to challenge yourself. It’s not about losing 50, it’s about losing 1, then 1 more. That’s it. Simplicity.

Most things in life can be done if done consistently and persistently. Fitness, business, health, relationships… be consistent and persistent, and you’ll experience powerful results.

There is no “there” to get to. Embrace the journey.

A Sign of the times

Posted on by Roger Jarman

We’ve all heard of the importance of being present, living “in the moment”. I imagine it would be hard to find somebody to argue about the merits of being present in our daily lives. I imagine this is a concept which understood and accepted by a vast majority of people.

Yet put into practice, how many of us actually apply the knowledge we have? The old axiom that “knowledge is power” isn’t quite accurate. “USE of knowledge, is power”. Knowledge on it’s own is useless unless acted upon.

Think back on your day today for instance. Have you been present and engaged in each and every moment? In each interaction with people, fully tuned in to what the other person(s) are expressing verbally and non-verbally? While alone are you focused on your immediate surrounding and circumstance, or perhaps your thoughts have roamed to something, or somebody else?

Being present more often is a practice and aiming for perfection will ultimately lead to failure in most cases. We are complex beings with a lot of layers to our being. There isn’t a single thing we can do which will make us “good” or “bad” people. We are a sum of our parts, a compilation of moments and our choices, actions and outcomes form the painting of our lives.

As we practice being focused on each moment and making a choice, taking action based upon the knowledge we have to use, often we’ll make a choice with a positive outcome.

When we are worried or fearful of what the future may hold, of what someone will think about us, of what we could “lose” we tend to action our thoughts in fear, which isn’t based on anything in the present moment.

Being present and focused removes fear and worry by the nature of it. If you are present, you are not worried about the future. You are not worried about what others might think. You are not worried about success or failure. You are focused on what you perceive to be the world, at that moment. In short, removing the “noise” from our thought process brings us to intuitive thought.

When we act intuitively I can assure you this does not always mean comfortably.

It can be difficult and downright scary to go through the process and see the result of your choices come to fruition.

I’ve also seldom been wrong when I choose intuitively and act on the choice, no matter how difficult or daunting.

We are a sum of our thoughts, deeds and actions. We won’t always be winning, nor losing. We won’t always be right, or wrong. We don’t always be at the top of the mountain, nor buried at the bottom.

The more instances we can live presently in the moment, the more peace we will ultimately find within ourselves. It’s not about being 100% every day. It’s about the choice you make right this moment. That’s all that matters. Then repeat.

Being Peaceful within the storm.

Posted on by Roger Jarman

I am a big fan of simple. There is all too much complexity for the sake of it in life and I for one have diligently worked to eliminate as much complexity from my day as I can.

From dieting, workout routines and self-help books/podcasts to business books and money management there are a billion directions you can go. How many of these promise to be the “one thing you need!” or the “top tens ways to kick-ass everyday!” (in one form or another).

Don’t get me wrong, most of these all contain quality material and is based on knowledge and experience, I’m all for different avenues we all resonate with different approaches.

If though you have a problem and are looking for one book, one podcast, one person to fix your issue(s) you likely won’t find it. More often than not, the issue(s) your trying to fix isn’t actually the root cause of the problem.

Most of us don’t actually know what we want, even when we REALLY, REALLY WANT IT!

With all the noise in our lives it’s hard to remember what’s truly important. Honestly, it’s not a whole lot, but it is everything. Family, loved ones, adding value to those around you, being a good example for your children and neighbors, what impact you will leave once your gone, these things matter. The house, the car, the money, the status, the ego… none of this matters at the end of the day.

I have been on a mission for the past decade to find peace in my life. For the hundreds of books I’ve ready, the thousands of hours of listening I’ve done I’ve come to one simple conclusion.

God is what matters. Finding God and creating an active relationship with God has been the most powerful and impactful thing I’ve ever done. This coming from somebody who dropped out of confirmation class as a teenager and not currently involved in any organized religion.

If you have struggled to find peace in yourself, if you have found “success” in life but still have a hole growing within you, here’s the good news. You don’t need to ready a library worth of books to figure it out and apply a hundred different practices within your day.

Simply turn to God, in your own time and way. There is no one-size-fits all spiritualism or religion. How I communicate with God is my own, and I have learned how to do this in a way which works in my life and fuels me when this little world of ours goes sideways.

When I am faced with challenges I don’t know how to cope with, I used to strategize, plan and stress myself out over the ways to overcome it. These days, I take a step back and thank God for the opportunity to practice my faith, and the challenge resolves itself.

Simple. Powerful. Peaceful.

This isn’t to say my life is perfect and everything is great all the time. As a father, a husband, a business owner and athlete I can assure you I have my share of challenges and “WTF” events. It’s my approach to get things back on track which has changed, and life is better for it.

If this resonates in some way and you’re not sure where to start or why it resonates, let me know. God is always there, especially in those moments we feel most alone. Shift your perspective and you’ll find him if you haven’t yet.

Love is always in the air…

Posted on by Roger Jarman

In the fourth installment and fourth tool you can use to upgrade your thoughts, I offer the most powerful one yet.

Maybe it’s me, maybe it’s what I choose to focus on, but have you noticed how the “love” word is thrown around these days like unnecessary loose change? It’s easy to “love” things these days, from the hearts we tap on social media to telling your kids you love them, and everything in between.

“Love” can certainly be cliche’ these days, an overused term which has lost much of it’s true meaning to many people. The Love I speak about isn’t a heart on social media or a quick “love you!, smooches!!” to your gym acquaintance.

The Love I speak about creates a warming, calming, powerful feeling in the center of your chest. It’s a feeling I can conjure on demand at this stage in my life, when I center myself and focus on my connection to God, Source, universal entanglement.

The Love I speak of is a deeply spiritual energy which permeates my being and releases itself to my surroundings as quickly as I absorb it in. Creating this feeling takes time, practice, patience and more patience with practice…. Learning to truly be grateful for gifts currently in your life, and FEELING the blessing of these gifts.

If you’ve felt it, you know what I’m talking about, even if it was only once for a fleeting moment. If you’ve never felt this, you may well think I’m nuts, or making it up. I spent most of my adult life not feeling this, and only in the most powerful moments of life did I experience a sensation close to it.

The feeling I had when I was first married, when each of my daughters was held in my arms for the first time, in those rare instances when I catch the eye of my wife in just the right light, with the right energy. I spent most of my life voided of this feeling of Love and only in those rare instances did I feel this “strange” emotion I briefly described earlier.

Yet, Love and it’s power is within you and available to be unleashed should you choose. This may be the most powerful tool at our disposal. Once we learn to Love, and sit in the feeling of Love can we begin to fully engage in being in the moment, living in the now.

Taken a step further, learning to Love during every part of our day is where the rubber meets the road. From getting up in the morning, to doing laundry, creating reports at the office, sitting in traffic on the way to the office. Love is found when taking out the garbage, washing the car and even during an argument with you spouse, child or co-worker.

My youngest daughter has the assignment of vacuuming the house. The other day I asked her to vacuum and she griped she had just vacuumed two days ago!! Why does she have to do it again? It’s such a chore! I smiled at her and asked if she preferred to live in a place which didn’t have a floor which needed vacuuming.

Perhaps dirt floor hovel would be easier to care for. Perhaps we wouldn’t need to do the laundry if we had no clothes. If we didn’t have food to eat, we wouldn’t ever have to worry about cleaning the kitchen or emptying the dishwasher!

“Fine. Now your just guilt-tripping me!” declared my nine year old daughter as she went to grab the high powered, cordless vacuum. If only she had to use a vacuum with a cord… the horror!

The bottom line is this. Love is in our life, right now in this moment. I don’t care what’s happening this moment, how down you feel or how the world has been cruel. Love is in your life, in this very moment. Choosing to focus on the blessings, the daily miracles we experience yet often never realize.

I challenge you to find love in everything you do for a week straight. If you can’t find something to love about it, perhaps that aspect of your life should be changed or removed.

Will you answer the call:

Posted on by Roger Jarman

Many of us have a practice which we use to realign ourselves. Each of us has various ways of doing this, many go to church on Sundays, many mediation, often people do both. Some of us find our peace through fitness, or pottery, or a hobby of some kind.

There are a thousand ways people can find their “center”, their time when we are peaceful with ourselves and the world. We find our peace through the storm of the world, and it’s our reprieve from the madness which seems to surround us.

What if we could find this peace in the context of our everyday activities? What if we could operate at the office, interact with people with an under current of calm confidence, even in the most tense of times?

When the kids are running around, the phone is ringing, the customers are looking for answers, the bosses are asking for the reports, the deadlines are coming fast. All of this can be overwhelming and often it is.

It doesn’t have to be this way. Over my last several posts I’ve been talking about tools we can use in daily life to reframe the world we experience. To adjust our perspectives a bit. These tools are designed to be used within daily life.

While I’ve touched on three of four of these tools so far, (fourth coming soon) I have outlined and overviewed each of them. I am putting together a deep dive on each one and how it applies to different areas of our lives.

How can we apply these tools within our career, home, family, relationships with others, and ourselves. I need your help. If you are reading this, then YOU are who I am talking to.

I have used these tools within my own life to create a consistent peace, harmony and balance within all areas of my life. This sense has helped me take on challenges I would’ve thought impossible in the past. I know they work, because I experience the results and have done the work.

I need your feedback to ensure I focus on what will be most impactful, powerful for YOU. I am designing a program which will enable powerful results within the areas of life which you apply the tools.

For those who respond, I am working on a gift/thank you for your time which I truly value. Please copy and past the below questions into an email (or word doc if you prefer) and email your responses to me directly at: roger@powerfullifeinc.com.

There are no right or wrongs, good or bad. Quick answers, the first thing which comes to mind are ideal instead of long thought responses. Thank you for your participation!

Fast Forward 6 months, what would you like to be different about your life?

Please rate these five areas in life, (5) being strongest (best) and (1) being the weakest: Mental health, physical health, career, relationships, finances.

What are your top 3 goals?

Why do you want to achieve these goals?

How will accomplishing these goals change your life?

What is currently in the way of achieving your goals?

What are common situations which derail you?

When you fail, what is the thought or phrase which runs through your mind?

What are you afraid will happen if you don’t reach your goals?

What do you want out of a program which helps you achieve your goals?

Do you want me to reach out when I put the program together?

I look forward to putting this together with you, and I’m excited for the results we’ll deliver!

It’s not you, it’s me.

Posted on by Roger Jarman

The third edition or tool in this blog series is understanding nearly all our interactions are not personal, meaning it’s not about US, it’s usually about the other person.

This practice can help you reframe context in the moment and shift your perspective instantly. Practicing this can elevate your communication skills at home, work and your social life.

There are a few things to consider as a baseline for this tool. Firstly, if you look at a road map it can give you a good idea of where you are, or where you want to go from a routing standpoint, which streets to take and direction to go. A map though will not tell you where the pot-holes are, or stop signs, or “no left turn”, or “one-way” roads.

A map will give you guidance, but the terrain is a much different animal. Our perspectives on life are very much the same. Many of us have heard the axiom “perception is reality”. This is true as far as the individual who is doing the perceiving.

When we are communicating with others, our thoughts and perceptions are very different from theirs, even with friends and loved ones. We may see eye to eye on most things, but you’ll notice a few areas where you an even your closest relation have differing opinions.

Understanding people have very different perceptions than our own, and that “perception is reality”, we can see how a simple mis-understanding, or saying something a certain way can trigger us or the other party.

When we trigger somebody in this way, it has nothing to do with us and is a chance for us to learn a touch point, and gain further insight into the reaction. More on this on another day.

If we are triggered by something, then we have an opportunity to learn a touch point about ourselves, and we get to work on healing it. We get to see where we can grow mentally in these areas as they are highlighted to us.

Another baseline concept is that people are always making the best choices available to them, at that moment. People want to be good, and often they do what is perceived to be the best thing for them even when it’s at the expense of someone/something else.

Ever wonder why that co-worker threw you under the bus with the boss? It wasn’t about you, it was about them advancing their own agenda.

Lastly, the mirror effect is a well known concept which can be a tough one to accept for many. Essentially, what we see in this world is a mirror of what we are giving, putting out into the world. Imagine if all you see is sickness, misery and a world falling apart? That’s a hard pill to swallow and accept it’s not the world who’s crumbling, but you.

The mirror effect though is a real thing. This isn’t to say it’s fair, nice, considerate or compassionate to your circumstances. It can be magical, it can also be brutal. The good news is we have a choice in the matter.

What we experience from other people is a mirror of what we are displaying. It’s never about how we’re being treated as much as it is how we are treating others. It’s not personal FROM others to us, though it is entirely personal from us TO others. This brings us back to perspective. A nice clean circle.

When we are being treated, or experiencing things we don’t like we have to look inward to ourselves first.

The world we live in, the perspective we have, the live we create is entirely up to us and only us to adapt as we choose. When we allow ourselves to be persecuted, attacked, and get down on ourselves and our surroundings we will simply have more of this.

When we realize the world is doing what the world does, and people are doing what people do, and it will all happen whether we are here to experience it or not.

If you’ve ever missed an event you were invited to, a birthday, a recital, a wedding, a baseball game, you name it. The even still happened even if you didn’t show up. That is the world we live in. It’s not personal unless we take it personally, which all to often many of us do.

Creating power in your life means taking ownership of everything you experience. If you don’t like it, find a way to change it. It’s not easy, but it is simple by design.

When you start to use these tools together inside of your daily life you will begin to see shifts in how things transpire. It doesn’t happen overnight, and this is a practice which will take time to learn, hone and improve upon.

Choosing to shift our thoughts is one thing. Consistently practicing over the long term to create lasting change in us, and therefore around us is another thing. The good news is the choices are ours, and when we regress we can always shift back on track again.

Stay tuned for part 4 of this series of tools to upgrade your thoughts.

Finding the good all around us.

Posted on by Roger Jarman

As the old saying goes, life is often stranger than fiction. Most of us can relate to this through our experience, and these last few years have hammered this principle home!

There is a silver lining in all of it, where we experience bad, there is also good.

I firmly believe everything comes with a lesson, and if we can find it within us to learn the lesson, nothing is wasted. I will be the first to tell you, there are times where you simply won’t see or understand what good (or lesson) can possibly come from a situation.

I can also tell you in my experience, sometimes learning to deal with the pain of an event is the lesson. When we can resolve ourselves to stand in the harshest of times, we will be prepared for the next evolution in our life.

If you think of love and fear for a moment, I’ll provide an example of finding the good, the lesson in everything. Love and fear are two opposites of the same emotion. In fact, ALL of our emotions, the entire spectrum of what we feel stems from either love, or fear.

Pictures this, If this emotional spectrum was a line, a dot on the left side is fear, a line connects to another dot on the right which is love. Exactly where does love end and fear begin? At the halfway point you say? Now measure it, what emotion specifically is the zero point between the two?

On paper you can pinpoint a dot. In reality there isn’t a single emotion which separates the two, just a grey area which bleeds into each other. We all have a different opinion on this, a different emotional spectrum by which we judge it.

It’s the same thing with cold and hot, large and small, fresh and stale. All open for interpretation as to where cold becomes hot, large to small, fresh to stale.

Both sides of the spectrum must be present and accounted for in order for it to BE.

Now apply this concept back to life. If a thing happens and we perceive it to be bad, then by nature there has to be an opposite effect. We can’t have love without fear, or hot without cold. What I perceive to be bad is a blessing to another.

Using this simple tool in my everyday life I can shift my perspective on anything which happens around me. I can take the “bad” thing and try to understand the opposite of it, which is equally real.

When I can see the opposite, I can often learn the lesson and grow from the experience. When this happens, it’s no longer a “bad” thing but a blessing and needed event to teach me a lesson about something.

When I learn, I appreciate and stay in a focused and grateful state of mind. There is always good in the world, no matter how dark it may seem. While we don’t always have the ability to see the good in the moment, knowing it is there helps to light the way.

This is an important step in growing mentally and spiritually. The more we can practice this the more we see how this world works FOR us, instead of against us. No hustle and grind required.