Just a little more

Posted on by Roger Jarman

For the past few years I’ve participated in a Memorial Day tradition within the CrossFit community. By completing a Hero workout named “Murph” where we honor not only fallen hero Michael Murphy, the workouts namesake but all those who’ve sacrificed so much for our ability to enjoy this great nation.

I’m grateful for the chance to keep the memory of our hero’s alive, and a chance to embody even a glimmer of what they represented. This year was a bit different and I had the opportunity to complete this workout not once, but twice in three days. The first time on Saturday, and again on the official holiday of Monday.

After Saturday I can tell you, my body was sore in places I haven’t been sore in for a long time, and I’m a fairly good athlete who keeps active daily. I had no intention of repeating Murph again on Monday, but showed up to stretch and keep things light while others completed the workload.

Except, I felt a pull within me, a nudge from God maybe urging me to go ahead and run the first mile and see what happens. The funny thing is I could barely reach the top of my head because my arms and back were so sore. From somewhere within me I hear:

“I bet Lt. Murphy felt worse than you did, he and others kept going…”

What was I to say to that? Every excuse which came to mind simply fell flat. When the clock began, so did I.

During the workout, after the mile run, after completing the 100 pull-ups with my hands bleeding from the bar, about mid-way through the 200 push-ups, I was cooked, ready to throw in the towel. After all, I already did this whole thing on Saturday, so today’s “extra”. Right?

“I bet Lt. Murphy felt worse than you did, he and others kept going…”

Back to push-ups I went. Then on to 300 air squats and another mile run to pull myself through the workout.

Yet, it wasn’t me pulling myself through this. It did take a lot of will-power, yet I also felt the presence of those whom I was paying homage to, guiding me to keep going. God reached down and gave me the strength and endurance I needed to see it through, especially when I didn’t think I could.

Life will find a way to put us in situations where we feel like there is no escape, no outlet. Yet here we are. If you get out of your own head, out of your own way, and just start moving you’ll find life moves with you. No matter what you are doing, from the gym, starting a new business, asking out that person who’s out of your league… Once started, keeping momentum becomes easier.

It’s not easy, it’s not for the faint of heart, but it is attainable and achievable if you only keep moving. Move through the set backs, doubts and fears. God is there to guide us, and He will pull us through the storms in our lives if we just pay attention and listen.

“Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” -Mathew 11:29-30

We are asked to take the yoke of Jesus, we too have work to do. The yoke of Jesus however is easy, and the burden light, as He is doing the heavy lifting for us. Our perception may seem like we have the weight of the world on our shoulders, but it’s only our perception.

God has a lot of tools to give us the strength we need to keep going when we don’t think we can. Today, he guided a warriors spirit to walk me through my bodily pain and achieve something I didn’t think I had in me.

As we honor those fallen hero’s this Memorial Day, we keep their spirit alive within us, showing those behind us what’s possible. Thank you, for everything.

It’s all good, so what is missing?

Posted on by Roger Jarman

I’m the type who is always looking to improve myself and different areas of my life. Each day I want to grow as a person over what I was yesterday and today. This mindset has kept me on a journey into many different practices of mindfulness, spirituality and religious concepts.

My first foray into the “power of positivity” was about 15 years ago with the movie The Secret which is one of the most popular and widely shared movies of it’s kind. This introduction lead me into books, podcasts and seminars focused on positivity and manifesting my “perfect” life.

The only problem though is that as hard as I tried to be positive all the time, and think about all that cool stuff I wanted to attract, it just wasn’t happening. For all the positivity I was outlaying, I simply wasn’t seeing the results I desired, or at least thought I desired.

I’ve never been a religious person, though I have become very spiritual over the years along my journey. I believe in a higher power, call is Source, Energy, The One… choose your key word. For all of it though in those quiet moments of reflection, deep down there was still something missing, not aligned fully. The positive vibes weren’t enough on their own, like a potted flower without water.

Eventually I was lead to Christian teachings about the Jesus and the Bible. At first these concepts rang true as concepts, samples of what can happen in life if the right energy is created and manifested within me personally.

Then these concepts started to take on a life of their own for me. I started to study the bible, little by little, taking daily passages and contemplating them and a realization occurred, (more I remembered than realized) that God is within me, not some mysterious Source of the universe who’s “out there” creating all the stuff we ask for like a celestial Santa Clause.

With this remembrance, that God is in me, I am a part of Him, yet NOT God myself. Much like a character in a book or movie, the author creates the character and has a part of their being imbedded in the character, yet the character is by no means a full representation of the author.

This remembrance deepened my curiosity in the Bible and Jesus’ life, for when he sacrificed himself mankind’s relationship with God forever changed, and God came to live within each and every one of us. Whether we realize it or not, God is there waiting for us to choose him, or the world we perceive.

For years along my spiritual journey there has been something missing, some key element not settled, like a piece of a puzzle missing right out of the middle of it. Jesus is the piece of the puzzle which so eluded me for so long.

I say all this as there is an awakening happening in our world, as has been for some time now. There is a spiritual shift and many people are waking up, and walking towards the light in the same fashion I have. If you are one of these travelers, and you too have felt in the deep recesses of you being that there is a piece missing, a part of the positivity which isn’t fully working, then I highly suggest you pick up a study bible, open yourself up to Jesus and give God a shot to show himself in your life.

It’s not a path of riches and roses all the time, far from it. For God has a plan for each of us, yet we will only go as far on this path as our FAITH in His plan will allow. When struggles and trials come into your life, rejoice instead of backing away in fear. For these trials are where God builds faith in us all.

When we pray for love, God doesn’t just waive a wand and POOF! we have love. He gives us an opportunity to BE loving towards someone else. This may manifest itself as a spouse or friend arguing with us over something, and instead of us fighting back in order to be “right”, we can instead BE loving and try and understand where they are coming from, no matter how far fetched their position may seem to us.

We often don’t actually know what we want, and it’s probably a great thing that celestial Santa isn’t up there giving us all what we think we want to manifest with our positive vibes and good energy.

God’s plan for us may be something out of left field that we’ve never thought of, but if we follow it whole heartedly in faith, the peace, calm, and joy of doing so far outweighs anything material this world can provide.

If you are on a journey of awakening, be patient, be consistent and enjoy the process most of all. For there is no destination, just the journey and the enlightening moments along the way.

Finding the good all around us.

Posted on by Roger Jarman

As the old saying goes, life is often stranger than fiction. Most of us can relate to this through our experience, and these last few years have hammered this principle home!

There is a silver lining in all of it, where we experience bad, there is also good.

I firmly believe everything comes with a lesson, and if we can find it within us to learn the lesson, nothing is wasted. I will be the first to tell you, there are times where you simply won’t see or understand what good (or lesson) can possibly come from a situation.

I can also tell you in my experience, sometimes learning to deal with the pain of an event is the lesson. When we can resolve ourselves to stand in the harshest of times, we will be prepared for the next evolution in our life.

If you think of love and fear for a moment, I’ll provide an example of finding the good, the lesson in everything. Love and fear are two opposites of the same emotion. In fact, ALL of our emotions, the entire spectrum of what we feel stems from either love, or fear.

Pictures this, If this emotional spectrum was a line, a dot on the left side is fear, a line connects to another dot on the right which is love. Exactly where does love end and fear begin? At the halfway point you say? Now measure it, what emotion specifically is the zero point between the two?

On paper you can pinpoint a dot. In reality there isn’t a single emotion which separates the two, just a grey area which bleeds into each other. We all have a different opinion on this, a different emotional spectrum by which we judge it.

It’s the same thing with cold and hot, large and small, fresh and stale. All open for interpretation as to where cold becomes hot, large to small, fresh to stale.

Both sides of the spectrum must be present and accounted for in order for it to BE.

Now apply this concept back to life. If a thing happens and we perceive it to be bad, then by nature there has to be an opposite effect. We can’t have love without fear, or hot without cold. What I perceive to be bad is a blessing to another.

Using this simple tool in my everyday life I can shift my perspective on anything which happens around me. I can take the “bad” thing and try to understand the opposite of it, which is equally real.

When I can see the opposite, I can often learn the lesson and grow from the experience. When this happens, it’s no longer a “bad” thing but a blessing and needed event to teach me a lesson about something.

When I learn, I appreciate and stay in a focused and grateful state of mind. There is always good in the world, no matter how dark it may seem. While we don’t always have the ability to see the good in the moment, knowing it is there helps to light the way.

This is an important step in growing mentally and spiritually. The more we can practice this the more we see how this world works FOR us, instead of against us. No hustle and grind required.

A practice in presence

Posted on by Roger Jarman

A simple and highly effective way to upgrade your thoughts, part 2.

Following up on my last blog post, this is the first of four follow up posts diving just a bit deeper into a few concepts. These four protocols as I have come to know them are simple, proven concepts and when applied individually yield great results. Though when used in concert with each other, consistently the results can be truly powerful.

I’m going to focus today on being present in each moment. We’ve all heard this before, and the idea of being present in the moment has been a topic as far back into history as we can find. It’s for good reason too. The best things always stand the test of time. The best things are often also simple in concept and powerful in result, yet not always easy in practice.

I’m going to focus on the practice part today instead of the value behind being present, you’re probably aware already of the benefits of being present. However, to give a similar example between of the difference between knowledge and practice, just because you understand how an airplane flies, doesn’t mean you can actually fly one.

Why is it so hard to be present, and in the moment? For one our society basically programs us to be anything and everything BUT present. We’re taught to worry about the future and plan for what’s to come. Think about the concept of retirement, work your whole life so you can spend a few quality years of “enjoyment” at the tail end of life. The entire idea is rooted in future tense.

Advertisements bombard us from billboards, to online ads, print, TV commercials etc. of things we need to have to be happy. Social media is a another platform(s) which by it’s nature creates a thought pattern of comparing ourselves to others, of wanting to have what the “influencers” have, be it a rockin’ body, a custom car, or the latest fashion or the new vegan, gluten-free, grain-free, soyless, what-cha-ma-call-it-but-its-not-meat-substitute!

All of this and we still haven’t walked out the door and interacted with people yet!

Our brains are moving a billion miles an hour, slowing them down, even for a short time takes patience and practice. Even when we do slow them down we tend to still think about all the things we should be doing, want to do, forgot to do, etc…

Now I ask you to notice the thought(s) you are having right this moment.

Stop reading and notice if you are only reading this, or if you are reading this while thinking of something else. Notice what is going through your mind in this moment, without judgment of good, bad, simply notice it and be ok with whatever it is.

I am going to challenge you to practice something for one day. Once you do this for one day I ask you do it for two, then three, then four, all the way to ten days, one day at a time.

Pick a thing you do each day, for instance driving to/from work. Pick something where you have a defined period of time allocated each day, and take a five minute chunk of that time and dedicate it to noticing what is going on around you, and nothing else.

When you first try this, and realize in less than a full minute your mind has already moved on to something else, notice you are thinking of something else and bring yourself back to what you area doing at that moment. DO NOT JUDGE yourself or be harsh, simply notice the mind wandering and come back to what you are doing. Peacefully and calmly.

Even when your mind wanders 30 times in a 5 minute span, simply notice it and come back. Judging yourself for a wandering is counter-productive. If you do reactionarily judge yourself, notice this too, notice the act of judging yourself. Notice it for what it is, a reactionary emotion which is neither good nor bad in this moment.

I like to do this while driving because I can turn off the radio and it also helps me release my judgement of how others drive, which gives me a much calmer and more peaceful trip to the office and back. The idea though is to pick a segment of time, the same time (roughly) and activity everyday to practice noticing your thoughts.

This will help build consistency and a habit of doing this while you do the activity everyday. This won’t be as easy as it sounds, and even if you think you “failed” at it don’t give up, it’s all the more reason to keep trying. Practicing a thing means you will get it wrong, alot, before you start to get it right.

Notice, without judgement your thoughts. While you are practicing being “in the moment” focus on the smells you are smelling, what you are feeling physically (like the material of the seat, steering wheel, clothing) and what you are feeling emotionally.

Are you happy, sad, frustrated, joyous, something else altogether? Notice the scenery around you and the details of it. If you’re driving you can notice the other cars around you, how is the traffic flowing together, or is it stop and go? What kind of cars are travelling with you?

If you’ve taken note of all these things and then simply sit with the feeling you are having, the emotion you are experiencing. Feel it, breathe it, welcome it.

The simple act of noticing our immediate environment is the best way to begin the process of presence. Soon, you will find yourself in a conversation with something totally engaged with this person or persons and thinking of nothing but the person in front of you.

This is easy with an “important” person. It’s more difficult when you find yourself interrupted unexpectedly by someone who you want to blow off, but now you notice your desire to blow them off, and instead of reacting on this desire, you engage with them wholly.

This is where the miracles of life happen, in the most unexpected places, and they happen often when we are paying attention.

I’d like to hear from you on how your practice is going, I invite you to send me a note directly at roger@powerfullifeinc.com to tell me about your experience with this.

Stay tuned for the next installment, which will focus on finding the good in any event.

The Art of Living As If It’s A Game

Posted on by Roger Jarman

I’ve often felt as if life is a game, and as this isn’t a unique thought to me I’m sure your familiar or at least aware of the concept.  Life feels like a game to me for a few reasons. 

As we grow and learn, there are periods of learning, then application of the knowledge into our life, then a period of feeling as though everything is perfect in the world.  Until it crumbles and we begin the trudge of up the mountain of learning a new thing.

A game is much the same way, the character starts a journey, fights off challenges and/or foes along the way until there is a test, “a boss” at the end of the level which we have to beat in order to succeed. 

Once we’ve beat the level we feel great and all is good.  Then we start a new level which is harder and more intricate than what we just overcame. 

While most people understand and accept this concept as a whole, I’ve notice we don’t often consider it during our daily experiences.  When we face a challenge or a hardship, an obstacle we’re not sure how to overcome we look at this as a singular event. 

Often these challenges can beat us down, leaving us feeling tired, sick, drained.  Stress builds and can affect us physically during these periods as well.  How many times have you felt overwhelmed or dreaded the idea of facing the foe? 

Yet if we really experienced life as a game, these situations would look much different to us.  When these situations arise we would know we are on the verge of a breakthrough to a new level, a higher version of ourselves. 

If we felt we were on the cusp of upgrading ourselves, would we then experience the event with dread?  Or would it be excitement?

I too have been taking things too seriously lately which is why I am rethinking my perspective.  Life is simple, it is a game to be enjoyed. 

All of life is a gift and when we can shift ourselves to experience the “bad” as an opportunity to expand things get easier, exciting even.

To enjoy this game stop trying to understand it, to make sense of it all.  We are not the creators of this game, merely the participants. 

Keep moving towards those things which light your heart up, focus on what is with you now and do your best in each moment. 

We don’t know what the next level has in store for us, so we can relieve ourselves of the stress of trying to contemplate it. 

Play the game as it happens, not two steps ahead or behind.  And enjoy the process of the game and the wins (success) will arrive.

Keeping ourselves in this gamified perspective in times of ease and distress is an art. Art, in my opinion is best in it’s simplest, original form, and from the heart.

Self: Accepted

Posted on by Roger Jarman

Most of us are familiar with terms and phrases such as: “you have to love yourself, before somebody else”; “take care of yourself first”; “Be true to yourself”; “Express yourself”; “Be yourself” and so countless variations of this. While all very important and true I almost never hear the continuation of this same thought pattern. We get to be true to ourselves, embracing our passions and desires as we figure out exactly who we are in the first place. The natural next step is the world we live in, the world we experience while we do our thing.

We’ve all also heard the phrase “the world is a mirror of who we are” (or a similar variation of it). When put together it creates a very interesting dynamic and one we can utilize truly in our favor.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve had several scenarios play out in my life where I’m certain I want or need a certain thing, it could be a job, promotion, material item, relationship, anything… And often times I get this thing and it isn’t at all what I thought it would be. Just as often I don’t get the “thing”, and later “out of nowhere” comes something much better.

The human mind has a miraculous ability to lie to itself, to “protect” itself from perceived harm and conflict. While I have gotten much better and continue to practice noticing when I am working on something I really shouldn’t be, I too still get sidetracked on things or ideas which seem great at first but ultimately aren’t good fits for me.

Going back to self love and acceptance; If the world is a mirror and we are totally secure and loving with ourselves, then the world we experience would be full of love and acceptance of things just as they are. Just like 2+2=4, complete interior love = complete exterior love. I’m not sure about you, but these last few years have seemed anything but loving if you’ve turned your TV on for more than a few minutes.

My mirror is telling me something.

The “issues” I see and frustration, anger, confusion and sometimes hopelessness I feel at our state of society are all reflections of inner conflict I am having at some level. What frustration I experience today is monumentally less than only a few years ago and I imagine I’ll be able to say the same thing in a few years time again. I have learned, and am still very much learning and practicing acceptance of myself and the world around me, as it is, not as I would have it.

“We must bear up against them and make the best of mankind as they are, since cannot have them as we wish” A quote from George Washington from November of 1776 after being repeatedly discouraged by his armies performance against the British in the early stages of the revolutionary war. This mentality of acceptance of what is, is purported to have bolstered his immense resolve to keep fighting and eventually win the birth of a new nation.

As I have resolved years ago to realize my highest and best self, the world I experience has also shifted. These last two years, while challenging and full of unknowns and unprecedented events have also been two of the most rewarding and fulfilling of my life. In my last blog post I gave my own personal definition of leadership and success. If we want to be leaders in this world, we must lead our own internal charge for greatness before we can guide others to achieve external greatness.

Can you guide somebody to do great things while you are a hot-mess inside? Of course you can. And you can suffer the consequences of fighting such an inner conflict. These consequences often manifest as weight issues, health issues, depression, addiction, anger and so on. I know because I’ve been down this road, luckily I was able to change direction before I was too far down it.

When I mentioned earlier the dynamic we can use in our favor, here is what I mean. When we experience things in this world we don’t like, it directly means there is some part of us internally creating this experience. If we want to effect a positive change in the world, we must be clear in our intention of looking inward for the solution, never outwardly.

Bitching out politics or how the coach lost the game for your favorite sports team just took a twist didn’t it?

We have the opportunity to check ourselves each and every day, to see the progress we have made and if we are on the right track. All we have to do is pay attention to the world around us. If you find yourself extremely frustrated and mad at the state of the world, you get to do more work than some, but there is some “low hanging fruit” you can likely start with easily. Turning off the news for one, (all of it) is a great place to start for most.

Noticing when you are getting upset or frustrated at something is another big step. Simply noticing it and taking a breath will calm things down quickly. “I notice I’m getting pissed off right now…” breaks the thought pattern and allows you to recenter. Acceptance of “what is” is another step and not likely one of the first ones. We don’t have to understand the world in order to accept it. Acknowledging this is another step on the path.

There was a monk from Tibet being interviewed by an author about the power of prayer and spirituality. The interviewer delicately asked the monk a question about a concept which was the interviewer was struggling with. (I’m paraphrasing the quotations) “If the power of prayer is so great, and Tibet has a high number of dedicated monks, why is Tibet in such turmoil as a country? Why isn’t prayer working?” asked the reporter.

“We don’t pray for a peaceful Tibet, we pray for peace in the world. Because of the turmoil in Tibet some of our monasteries have had to relocate monks to other parts of the world. Because these monks are now in other parts of the world, their teachings are spreading in ways they never would have had they remained confined. Perhaps they will return once peace has spread and our prayers have been effected” replied the monk.

Each of us has such a limited view of the world at large, there is so much we are unaware of and no way we could understand all which is happening at all times. Accepting what is, as is, is a practice which will reflect back upon us and fulfill us anew. We can utilize a bi-directional love as we accept ourselves and express who we are. And receive our mirror back in kind as we accept the world as it is too.

As a dearly departed brother of mine used to say. Keep it 100(%).

Hold that thought.

Posted on by Roger Jarman

I was reminded of a very powerful (yet easy to forget) concept recently, which reminded me about the efficiency of the universe we live in. In all aspects of life I’ve found common “rules” or “laws” if you will, and over the years I’ve learned many of these concepts I’ve experienced are quite literally universal laws which govern the world we experience.

All are powerful. All are also very simple in nature. Our daily lives are often cluttered and overcomplicated. Think about how many advertisements you see and hear on a daily basis, whether or not you watch TV, listen to the radio or visit a local store. Advertisements to get us to take this medicine, (it’s crazy how a pharmaceutical company would even need to advertise… this is for another day!) prompts of services for cell phones, internet, how many car ads can we get into the mix, or even the lawyers and realtors faces posted at the bus stop. Every day we are being suggestively told we NEED something we don’t have. Western culture has created a “keep up with the Joneses'” mindset throughout the majority of our culture. Pull up any social media platform these days and it’s all about who’s got the most followers, people now being the commodity over a product for the first time.

This type of overt direct messaging, along with the subliminal messaging underlying the advertising industry of “you need X to be happy” can take a deeper root within us if we pay too close attention. Even if the immediate products and services aren’t interesting to us, we are still hearing “we need X” subconsciously. Being inundated with a certain message or messages creates a thought pattern which can manifest itself directly, or very often indirectly.

Going back to the beginning, here is the reminder I came across which resonated with me once again, as it always does with me.

Watch your thoughts, for they become words.

Watch your words, for they become actions.

Watch your actions, for they become habit.

Watch your habits, for they become your character.

Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.

For most of us, the above isn’t actually new information, yet it’s very easy to forget how quickly a thought can grow to become so much more. Seeing an advertisement isn’t a big deal. However when you are exposed to the same message repeatedly it can very easily establish a foothold in our subconscious mind, from which it can grow rapidly if left un-checked

Luckily, the solution is just as simple as the construct above. For only $99 down I’ll give you everything you need to figure it out! If you pay me, then you’ll be able to find happiness!

Just kidding.

Except about the simple solution part, that part is very true. One way I like to “check” myself is to ask myself why I do or think something. Understanding our why in life is another topic altogether, and the larger concept of this smaller, bite size version. We can break down segments and ask very specific why questions, and the cumulative responses gives us a better idea of what is going on in our subconscious.

Why do I get up and go to work everyday? To pay the bills or because I actually love what I do?

Why do I celebrate an occasion with food and/or beverage which is not beneficial for my bodies long term health?

Why did I get so upset when that dude cut me off on the highway? Did I really need to give him the finger?

Why is my wife always right?

What is it that I love so much about breathing fresh air in the morning, or seeing the sun rise?

These are just a few examples of questions, some deeper and much harder to answer. Noticing our behavior during certain instances and questioning the root of our emotions, thoughts and feelings is a great way to begin to understand what is happening below the surface. There are no right or wrong answers, and enjoying this life and some of the “vices” may be a part of the journey you enjoy. If you like having a drink (or ice-cream, or pick your poison) after work, you don’t have to beat yourself up for it. Asking the question doesn’t mean there will be a negative response.

One thing is clear to me through my experience. Thoughts are indeed things. More aptly put, feelings become reality. Our subconscious mind doesn’t deal in words or phrases, it deals in energy, in feeling. As you notice your actions and question the root, pay close attention to how you feel about the instance more than what words come to describe it. Do you feel good about what just happened, or not so much? The feeling is the true barometer of what we are experiencing.

On the previous blog I spoke about consistency, practice over perfection. Our thoughts during any given day are very much in this category of practice and consistency. If we are more often thinking and feeling things of a higher vibration (joy, love, inner peace), our external life will reflect this. If we are always in the lower energy thoughts (anger, jealously, self pity…) our life will just as accurately reflect this too.

The good news is we get to choose, and we become what we practice.

Life is simple. (That’s not to say it’s easy)

No matter how difficult or complex it may become, it can always be simplified down to reveal what’s underlaying what we’re experiencing.

Are we there yet?

Posted on by Roger Jarman

If you’re anything like me you are always striving for more. Striving to improve in all areas of life, personally, professionally, physically, working to get a little better today than we were yesterday. I have always been like this and for years I had always leaned into hitting the next stage, next level of growth.

Many of us who share this mentality also share a common trait of thinking there is a “there”, a destination at the end we will eventually reach. That once this next goal or level is achieved we’ll be “there”! Ironically, what many of us experience as we succeed in achieving our goals and moving to the next level is not a overwhelming sense of joy and accomplishment. It’s a sense simply of “what’s next”.

I love this mindset and I wouldn’t trade my continual growth for anything. This mindset though can be lead us to be very harsh critic of ourselves and our perceived accomplishments. Like most things in life we have to embrace the gifts of who we are and strengthen those areas we perceive to be not as good.

This inner critic many of us experience is not a bad thing when held in check. It can also be hugely damaging if we let it take over our sense of self worth. This inner critic can keep us sharp, on our toes and focused on the task(s) at hand; or it can ultimately demotivate and derail our progress altogether. So how do we embrace this voice within us instead of simply trying to ignore it or shout it down? Or worse, allow it to begin to infect our being as we start to believe some of the non-sense this critical voice throws at us?

The first step is simply to notice this voice and/or thoughts when they appear. When this critic starts it’s torrent simply take note that you hear this voice and it’s rant. That’s it, notice them, don’t buy into them. By simply taking note a profound shift occurs very quickly, which is a separation of yourself from this voice. You’ll notice it’s almost like over-hearing a conversation of other people, mainly one person talking AT another. You have a choice now as to how you wish to handle this. Would you allow another person to speak to you as this inner critic does? Not likely. By noticing this voice and creating a separation between it and yourself you can take ownership of your response if not the narrative of the voice.

Changing the narrative of the voice takes time and practice and can absolutely happen (for another article). Reducing the amount of air-time this voice gets is a natural progression as we remove the power this critic has over us. First though we have to get really good at understanding the voice is a crazy person. A self defense mechanism ingrained to protect us from perceived danger, even if this danger is simply and act or activity at the edge of our comfort zone.

Once you have practiced noticing the voice you will begin to notice other things. Perhaps you’ll notice the angry response many of us have when somebody cuts us off in traffic, or the frustration towards a co-worker. As we notice these things, many of us soon begin to notice our buttons are not as easily pushed because we are noticing the trigger and not responding blindly, but through a separation of rational thought and raw emotion.

The natural progression of this concept is simple. If you begin to respond to life in a more positive and understanding manner, can you see what the trend will be going forward? That’s right. As we improve our relationship within ourselves we improve all of our relationships outwardly, and this has all manner of positive outcomes. Our experience (life) is simply a collection of our choices and actions thus far. As we upgrade our thoughts and actions, our experience thus upgrades with us.

Going back to the beginning of the article, how does noticing our thoughts and separating ourselves from our inner critic have anything to do with reaching our goals and getting to that point we are all striving for?

That point we working towards doesn’t actually exist. It’s a mirage. Like seeing the end of the rainbow it can look so close, yet when you get close it’s not longer there, vanished. As we strive to improve ourselves in all aspects of life there is no point at which we’ll be done, will be at our destination and fully satisfied. When our inner critic hears this the tirade can become volatile and destructive if we let it. If we ignore it and keep trying to get to this imaginary “point” we ultimately will become miserable in the process. Most of us feeling as if we’ve failed, even in our success, especially in our success.

When we understand we will always be growing, it is indeed our nature as people who desire growth. We can quell the critic within and enjoy the process much more. After all, it’s the process and not the result which is the real prize and thing to be attained. The experiences along the way are what matter and the goals we set are simply markers along the way, like mileage posts on the highway.

Begin to notice these thoughts and pay attention to the shifts you will experience. Embrace the experience of all of it, the perceived good and bad of everyday. We wouldn’t notice the sun without the clouds.

Let me know how this works for you and what you notice along the way. This practice opens the doors for more profound change as you grow with it.

A little less… stress.

Posted on by Roger Jarman

Many of us can juggle a lot of balls at the same time, between family, kids, work, and fitness there isn’t a lot of spare time in the day. While many of us handle these choices and commitments expertly and seamlessly transition between the functions of our day, there is often a constant pressure to perform underlying all of it. Many of us don’t feel this pressure on a regular basis as it’s familiar; we’re used to it and it’s all good most of the time.

Until one day, or one moment it’s not fine. We find ourselves tense, frustrated at seemingly simple or mundane things. Perhaps being short or downright rude to those around us. This tension we often don’t even feel, is a form of stress we carry with us and like all manners of stress it manifests itself in a myriad of ways. So how do we know when this stress is building, or when other stressors will affect us? More importantly even, how can we quickly and effectively deal with this when it enters our consciousness?

One reason we experience these moments of higher stress is because there is a reason for the heightened levels. For instance a major meeting with a customer, a job interview, a fitness competition, unexpected bills, trouble in relationships. We may feel we are handling the added stress loads just fine and in many cases we are, until suddenly we aren’t. We snap at a co-worker or loved one, we get a migraine headache, we get sick and have to shut it down for a day or two.

I’ve found a solution for dealing with this stress on a macro level which is immediate and helps to calm things back down and put things back into perspective. I use this tool to simplify my perception, often these periods of heightened stress elevate our ability to deal with things so we add more, and all of a sudden our lives are more complicated, or at least seem this way. Meditation is always a great option, though I’ve found meditation to be best used on a regular basis and not very helpful “in the moment”.

When I need to simplify things in my life immediately and in a heated moment I quickly think back to who I am. Not in the philosophical way, the meaning of life way, (this we’ll get into another time). I look at the world around me and how I experience it. I focus on my family, my company, my house, car, bills, employees, vendors, customers, training program, grocery shopping list etc…

I think of these things, and I imagine all of them gone. Who am I without any of these things? If my life as I experienced it went away in a flash, who am I then? If I didn’t have to think about paying a mortgage, servicing a customer, ensuring food and shelter are provided for my family, hitting the next PR at the gym…

This may be scary to contemplate, and if it is scary or too uncomfortable to imagine then I invite you to consider just how attached you are to what you “can’t” live without. The truth of the matter is, if everything went away, you will still wake up in the morning, the sun will rise as you will. The sun will set as you will ultimately go back to sleep to repeat the process. What does your life look like without anything in it? Who cares. It doesn’t matter. For this tool we don’t have to spent a second trying to contemplate the “other” side of how we experience life.

I invite you to imagine everything is gone, you have no fear or worries about anything, family, friends, the house, business, job, money you owe the mob for bad horse betting… Simply imagine being you, carefree and released from the weight of what we perceive to be important in our life. Imagine having no thoughts about yesterday or tomorrow, just be in this moment right now, as light as an angel with no strings attached, no commitments, promises or deadlines. Close your eyes and be in this space, you may imagine yourself in a field breathing in the fresh breeze as you stand tall with your shoulders and back straight, like you may just begin to float off the soft grass.

As you practice this it becomes easier and helps to realize something very important. What we think matters a lot, at the end of the day really doesn’t. As Tyler Durden in Fight Club so aptly stated: “You’re not your job. You’re not how much money you have in the bank. You’re not the car you drive. You’re not the contents of your wallet. You’re not your f***ing khakis. “

What are you if not all these things? For this article and purpose it’s not important. What is important for now is to understand this tool which is available to you anytime you feel the stress building in and around your life. Use this tool to calm yourself and reset your emotions when you feel like things are heating up. What this does is allows us to see our world from a different perspective. A calm, clean, de-cluttered perspective and even without all these “important” things we are still “us”. Simplified.

In this moment of simplicity as you stand weightless, what else do you need in order to feel fulfilled? (Normally I don’t give the answer, I’ve yet to hear somebody say something other than…) Nothing.

As we simplify our perspective, we already have all we need within us at this precise moment in time. Breathe in this knowledge as you allow the stress to fall away from this moment as you realize whatever is the cause, it’s likely not the end of your world.

We all have the tools within us to make miracles happen, this simple, effective and immediate tool is simply one of the plentiful options we have.

Give it a try the next time your feeling the pressure and let me know how it goes, I’m always interested in hearing how others apply these tools within their own lives.

What is prayer

Posted on by Roger Jarman

We are familiar with the word “prayer”, we’ve heard it thousands of times in our lives whether we are religious, spiritual, agnostic or anything in between. We have heard people around us say they will pray for this, or pray for that, for the well-being of a loved one or for the outcome of a job interview or winning lottery ticket.

Definition of prayer

 1a(1): an address (such as a petition) to God or a god in word or thought said a prayer for the success of the voyage

(2): a set order of words used in praying

b: an earnest request or wish

2: the act or practice of praying to God or a god-kneeling in prayer

3: a religious service consisting chiefly of prayers —often used in plural

4: something prayed for

5: a slight chance haven’t got a prayer

According to the above Merriam-Webster definition above it gives us a good idea what a prayer is. Or does it? What has lead us to believe our words have anything to do with the prayer we actually petition for? How does God, Source, The Divine, Energy, know what words to listen to, which prayers to say “yes” to, and which ones to say “no” to?

How does this universal wisdom listen to our words and know how to respond, when in many cases we don’t even know what we really want?

Often people as for money, lots and lots of money! “If only I had more money than everything would be just fine!” Ever heard, or said a version of this? I’m willing to bet we all have and on more than a few occasions. Money though isn’t the desire, security is and the money is simply the tool we perceive which will provide us the security we seek. These prayers go “unanswered” because we are asking for something verbally, that we really don’t care about as long as our other needs are met.

Imagine for a minute your bank account has one million dollars in it. Imagine what you would do, would you fly off to some remote island and retire? Would you buy a bigger house, pay off debts you owe, perhaps some medical bills? Would you buy a nice new car or send your kids to the best colleges? Imagine for a moment this scenario, close your eyes and imagine one million dollars in your account. What would you do? Take a few moments to visualize this.

Welcome back! Now think about what you visualized and I invite you to bring it back into focus again, this time focus on your heart and how this visualization makes you feel. Keep this feeling at the forefront of your being and experience the feeling of this visualization. If you don’t feel much, that’s ok too, this is different for everyone and perhaps trying this again later may or may not yield different results.

The words used in our “traditional” prayers are not heeded by Divinity. We ask for things often based upon immediate desire or need. Our words are riddled by thoughts of logic, fear, what we perceive in our worlds at that moment. Even when we are meditative in our prayers our conscious thoughts are rife with what we think we know. The Divine shoots right past our conscious thought and dives straight into the energy we are moving.

This energy is like a truth serum to the universe around us. There is no on/off switch we can use to turn off our energy when we are feeling fear, anxious, sad, depressed. The universe, the Divine gives us more of what we transmute in our energy base. What does this mean?

I go back to the original question; What is prayer? Prayer is the feeling we have within us when we converse with The Divine. Prayer is something we can (and often do) be in, a continuous action instead of a short burst of a request. Prayer is the feeling we give to the universe, and the universe responds in kind.

Our words can be used as a tool to create this feeling, as can music, laughter, lighting candles and myriad other actions we may consider as “prayer”. These things though are not the prayer itself, but the tools we can utilize to create the feeling, which is ultimately the prayer.

There are no right or wrong ways to pray and if you have certain rituals or practices which create strong feelings within you I’d love to hear about them as I’m always curious as to how people individually perform this sacred ritual or prayer. I often pray, that is to say I create a feeling of love and open-ness in my heart which feels as if my heart is “on”. I no longer associate requests or words to my prayers as I let my energy speak and what the universe delivers will be exactly what it should be.

I invite you to keep this concept in mind the next time you pray, or choose to speak with you Divinity. Practice with it, play around with it, and have fun while you explore. Indeed, it’s why we’re here in the first place!