Practice what you wish for.

Posted on by Roger Jarman

When we want something in life, a higher paying job, a new car, a bigger house, a perfect spouse, kids who keep their rooms clean… often we wish for the “thing” to happen and expect a magic wand to make it so. How disappointing it is though, when these wishes go unfulfilled.

Often times it seems like we get the opposite of what we’re wishing for. We may desire a better relationship with our boss, co-worker, spouse, kids, you name it. Yet what we often experience is an argument or some kind of dust up with the very person we wish to be closer to.

Perhaps work is more stressful than usual and all you’ve been hoping for was a little less stress involved in your daily life. Or you’ve been trying to fit into that next size down in clothing but seem to be closer to a size up instead.

What we hope and wish for often times seems to go the opposite way a lot of the time. This doesn’t mean that God and the Universe are against you, perhaps just the opposite.

When we wish for something, what is it exactly that we expect to happen? Do we expect our relationship to simply BE better, a flip of the switch and just like that everything is good? Do we expect those extra inches at our waistline to simply not be there when we wake up in the morning?

We have become accustomed to our immediate satisfaction society, where nearly everything happens quickly. With some exceptional disruptions in our supply chain these last two years, we’ve become very used to the idea of immediate response service.

Not too many people think of what they expect to actually happen when they wish for something, there is an expectation for the “thing” to happen, with a very vague idea as to how it might manifest itself.

If you want more love in your life, then you may be given an opportunity to be loving to the person or people whom you want more love. How do you thing this would manifest exactly? Do you think it would come from an easy situation, like coming home to dinner cooked and on the table waiting for you?

Or would it be the opposite, you come home and it’s a mess, the kitchen is dirty and your “loved” one is sitting on the couch half asleep when you walk in?

Which of these scenarios opens the door for US, to be more loving?

I’ll give you a hint. It’s not the first one. That’s too easy. We don’t learn anything when it’s easy.

Perhaps what we get when we wish for something, is the opportunity to BE the very thing we wish for. After all, we reap what we sow.

When we are wishing for things like better health, more love, a promotion, a bigger house etc… what we’re really asking for is a change in our lifestyle, a change as we are dis-satisfied with the status quo. Therefore, by the very nature of our wish, our request, we are asking for an opportunity to learn, to create a attitude and/or habits.

Diets for instance only work while your “on” the diet, and then the weight comes flooding back on when we are “off” the diet. Why? Because we didn’t change our lifestyle to understand how to eat properly everyday, day in and day out. We only “learn” how to eat properly by practicing saying NO to things which don’t promote weight loss.

When you can say NO to the donuts Jerry brought into the office and not feel like your missing out, you’ve made a stride in changing your lifestyle. So when you wish for a leaner waist and a healthier body, you can rest assured Jerry is bringing donuts tomorrow! And you’ll have your opportunity to BE healthier.

We reap what we sow, and we don’t learn from easy. If you want healthy, be healthy. If you want more love, be loving to those around you, especially when you feel they deserve it the least. If you want more money, be generous with others. If you can’t afford it (prices aren’t going down these days after all!) take a closer look at what your spending on to see if you can spare something. If not money then, give your time to someone who’s lonely, perhaps some clothes to someone who needs them more, you get the point.

Patience is a virtue our culture is losing, yet it’s one of the key ingredients to finding peace in our hearts no matter the environment around us. Taking the time to practice those things we desire is a great way to practice patience as well.

The next time you wish for something, before you become frustrated by the situations which arise, give thanks to God for the opportunity you have to be that which you wish for. As you practice, you will then receive exactly what you wish for if you are patient for the result.

Good luck!

A little less… stress.

Posted on by Roger Jarman

Many of us can juggle a lot of balls at the same time, between family, kids, work, and fitness there isn’t a lot of spare time in the day. While many of us handle these choices and commitments expertly and seamlessly transition between the functions of our day, there is often a constant pressure to perform underlying all of it. Many of us don’t feel this pressure on a regular basis as it’s familiar; we’re used to it and it’s all good most of the time.

Until one day, or one moment it’s not fine. We find ourselves tense, frustrated at seemingly simple or mundane things. Perhaps being short or downright rude to those around us. This tension we often don’t even feel, is a form of stress we carry with us and like all manners of stress it manifests itself in a myriad of ways. So how do we know when this stress is building, or when other stressors will affect us? More importantly even, how can we quickly and effectively deal with this when it enters our consciousness?

One reason we experience these moments of higher stress is because there is a reason for the heightened levels. For instance a major meeting with a customer, a job interview, a fitness competition, unexpected bills, trouble in relationships. We may feel we are handling the added stress loads just fine and in many cases we are, until suddenly we aren’t. We snap at a co-worker or loved one, we get a migraine headache, we get sick and have to shut it down for a day or two.

I’ve found a solution for dealing with this stress on a macro level which is immediate and helps to calm things back down and put things back into perspective. I use this tool to simplify my perception, often these periods of heightened stress elevate our ability to deal with things so we add more, and all of a sudden our lives are more complicated, or at least seem this way. Meditation is always a great option, though I’ve found meditation to be best used on a regular basis and not very helpful “in the moment”.

When I need to simplify things in my life immediately and in a heated moment I quickly think back to who I am. Not in the philosophical way, the meaning of life way, (this we’ll get into another time). I look at the world around me and how I experience it. I focus on my family, my company, my house, car, bills, employees, vendors, customers, training program, grocery shopping list etc…

I think of these things, and I imagine all of them gone. Who am I without any of these things? If my life as I experienced it went away in a flash, who am I then? If I didn’t have to think about paying a mortgage, servicing a customer, ensuring food and shelter are provided for my family, hitting the next PR at the gym…

This may be scary to contemplate, and if it is scary or too uncomfortable to imagine then I invite you to consider just how attached you are to what you “can’t” live without. The truth of the matter is, if everything went away, you will still wake up in the morning, the sun will rise as you will. The sun will set as you will ultimately go back to sleep to repeat the process. What does your life look like without anything in it? Who cares. It doesn’t matter. For this tool we don’t have to spent a second trying to contemplate the “other” side of how we experience life.

I invite you to imagine everything is gone, you have no fear or worries about anything, family, friends, the house, business, job, money you owe the mob for bad horse betting… Simply imagine being you, carefree and released from the weight of what we perceive to be important in our life. Imagine having no thoughts about yesterday or tomorrow, just be in this moment right now, as light as an angel with no strings attached, no commitments, promises or deadlines. Close your eyes and be in this space, you may imagine yourself in a field breathing in the fresh breeze as you stand tall with your shoulders and back straight, like you may just begin to float off the soft grass.

As you practice this it becomes easier and helps to realize something very important. What we think matters a lot, at the end of the day really doesn’t. As Tyler Durden in Fight Club so aptly stated: “You’re not your job. You’re not how much money you have in the bank. You’re not the car you drive. You’re not the contents of your wallet. You’re not your f***ing khakis. “

What are you if not all these things? For this article and purpose it’s not important. What is important for now is to understand this tool which is available to you anytime you feel the stress building in and around your life. Use this tool to calm yourself and reset your emotions when you feel like things are heating up. What this does is allows us to see our world from a different perspective. A calm, clean, de-cluttered perspective and even without all these “important” things we are still “us”. Simplified.

In this moment of simplicity as you stand weightless, what else do you need in order to feel fulfilled? (Normally I don’t give the answer, I’ve yet to hear somebody say something other than…) Nothing.

As we simplify our perspective, we already have all we need within us at this precise moment in time. Breathe in this knowledge as you allow the stress to fall away from this moment as you realize whatever is the cause, it’s likely not the end of your world.

We all have the tools within us to make miracles happen, this simple, effective and immediate tool is simply one of the plentiful options we have.

Give it a try the next time your feeling the pressure and let me know how it goes, I’m always interested in hearing how others apply these tools within their own lives.